PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHDAY 20 REPORT

 

Leicester City vs. Liverpool

Christ Almighty! This was not the result most were expecting. If anything, most of us were just awaiting for Liverpool to win, or at the very least, a draw. NOT AN ACTUAL CLUSTERFUCK OF A RESULT!

Neither side could prove to be the superior one in the first half. Chances were all over the place, but no goal was scored. Rodgers and Klopp were trying to figure out who can outsmart who first.

And the out smartening happened in the second half, when Leicester’s superhero, Lookman (how do people come up with these names, it’s fucking hilarious) scored in the 59^th minute with an assist from his sidekick, Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall.

Jokes aside about his last name, this one single goal blew the hopes of Liverpool going over Chelsea and Manchester City in the table, with the latter winning 1-0 against Brentford. Tough luck for Liverpool, but a wonderful New Year’s gift for “The Foxes”…

Sorry Liverpool, but your winning days are numbered…

Chelsea vs. Brighton

Let me tell you something. Imagine you’re home alone with your girl. You just had a lovely date and you take her to your place. The night is still young, so you end up continuing the fun you two had outside. All goes well and then you and she are ready to do the “thing”. The mood is set. Music = on, bed = ready, love = in the air.

AND THEN YOUR LITTLE BROTHER COMES IN AND YOU GET COCKBLOCKED WITH HIS DEMANDS FOR A GLASS OF WATER CAUSE HE CANNOT SLEEP OR SOME SHIT!!!

That’s how I can best describe Chelsea’s game against Brighton, which was a shit show only because of that last moment of the game.

Lukaku’s first half goal was not enough to keep Chelsea’s 1^st place hopes up high, cause in THE ACTUAL DYING MOMENTS OF THE GAME, Danny Welbeck came in and denied Chelsea their sweet sweet victory and 3 points.

Speaking of Danny, good job? We indirectly prevented Chelsea from winning?

A big “fuck you” from Brighton is perhaps the greatest thing of the new season thus far…

Manchester United vs. Burnley

To end my report with a bang, we have my beloved United. Oh my dearest! How I love you and fucking hate you at the same time!

We played our final game of the year against Burnley. And it was not a disappointment! Rather, it was FUCKING AWESOME. Okay the “FUCKING” is not needed, but it was awesome.

The game was concluded in the first half actually. With a goal from McTominay in the 8^th minute, followed by an unlucky block from Burnley’s Mee that resulted in an own goal in the 27^th minute. And our final goal was scored in the 35^th minute, by none other than Ronaldo himself (yay…)

Burnley did however, had enough strength to slap us silly. Aaron Lennon scored his first ever Old Trafford goal in the 38^th minute, to make the game 3-1 at half time, and the whole match for that matter.

All in all, a fantastic game to end the year, and to put a smile on someone special’s face…

McTominay is a fine lad. He needs to start more…

Standings

Before I sign off from my report, I’d like to wish everyone a Happy New Year and may we all stay safe and sound during these fucked up times. And hopefully, may 2022 finally see the end of this shitty ass fucking virus.

With the warm message out of the way, I’d also like to spare a moment to wish Happy 80^th Birthday to the man, the myth, and- Actually, scratch that. He’s none of those things. He’s a dinosaur. An absolute dinosaur. But what he is… HE’S A WINNER!!!

HAPPY 80^th BIRTHDAY SIR ALEX FERGUSON!!! MAY YOU LIVE LONG AND SEE THE CLUB YOU DEDICATED YOUR LIFE TO BE GREAT ONCE AGAIN DOMINATING FOOTBALL LEFT AND RIGHT!!!

As an added bonus, here are 3 videos from the football Youtube channel, Tifo Football, which talk about Sir Alex and his history. You can check them out for their other football related videos. They are all awesome...

His last season in Manchester United...

His tactical adaptation in Manchester United...

 

His entire legacy...

And now for real, I’ll head out. Enjoy these 2 twats having fun with their balls:

This happened 3 years ago, and these two twats act as if they are not retired. God bless them...

Lord Slayer...

 

PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHWEEK 19 REPORT (BOXING DAY EDITION)

 

FUCKING BOMBASTIC MATCHWEEK!!!

HO, HO, HO!!!! This was a jolly good show. Indeed it was. And despite 50% of matches being postponed due to Covid, we ended up witnessing some Premier League action this weekend. Not only that, but we also managed to play. After 2 or so weeks of no matches for "The Red Devils", we played our first game. And how was it? Did we win? Lose? Better yet, did City manage to disappoint me with their mediocre game or, did they do something amazing?
All of this in this week's dazzling report...

Tottenham Hotspur vs Crystal Palace

YOU WIN!!! PERFECT!!!

Let's start the report with something I'd like to call a "Perfect Win". Tottenham invited Palace over for some tea and biscuits, had some fine time listening to some classical tunes, whilst Crystal Palace was tossed left and right from Spurs. It was so bad, that they managed to actually knock themselves out in their attempt to fight back.

Spurs showed dominance in the first half, with goals from Harry Kane (32nd minute) and Lucas Moura (34th minute). These two made it look easy. And then to make things a lot better (or tragic if you're a Palace fan), Zaha got sent off in the 37th minute for a second yellow card.

To conclude this first report, Son Heung-Min ended it all in the 74th minute, after a fantastic match that could've seen a lot more goals. But a 3-0 win is still a good result...

Wonderful performance leads to wonderful results...

Norwich vs Arsenal

Arsenal finally using the big guns...

Norwich have done it yet again. They keep on proving to everyone that they're the #1 team when it comes to being the best in The Championship. BECAUSE THEY BELONG THERE!!! JESUS CHRIST!

Saka (6th and 67th minute), Tierney (44th minute), Lacazette (84th minute) and Emile Smith Rowe (from the spot in the 91st minute) just wouldn't stop firing their big arsenals at Norwich. No mercy was shown. "That shit is for the weak. Here at Arsenal FC, we dominate everything and everyone". I assume this is Arteta's game plan and mindset right now.

Norwich on the other hand, may as well start 2022 with a fixture in The Championship, because they are not recovering from this one. A huge loss that may as well confirm their relegation, during the mid-point of the season. Shame...

These motherfuckers are out for blood...

Manchester City vs Leicester City

Uh... Merry Christmas?

HOLY SHIT!!! FUCKING HELL!!! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?!? And here I thought that Spurs vs Liverpool was going to be the game of the season, but now fuck that. We have a new contender for game of the season. What in the actual fuck have you done you two?

Manchester City started off as usual, taking the lead early on, and continue to build upon that early lead. De Bruyne in the 5th minute scored for both his side and the first goal of Boxing Day. Upon seeing this example, Mahrez  and Gundogan decided to do the same thing ( Mahrez from the spot in the 14th minute and Gundogan in the 21st minute ). However, a dark cloud was approaching.

In the 2nd half, Maddison, Lookman and Iheanacho struck City with 3 goals. All 3 goals were not to far off from one another. "The Foxes" bit back, and were successful in making "The Citizens" bleed. With their sudden display of power, they were on a run. Nothing was stopping them. But because you are seeing the score-line above, you know what happened.

City took out their guns and shot down Leicester 3 times. Sterling shot twice, and Laporte once. This firing resulted in the game ending 6-3. A true Boxing Day match in my humble opinion, as in, there was actual boxing, rather than unboxing boxes...

Manchester City wins by a TKO...

Newcastle vs Manchester United

Leave it to us to ruin everything...

And to conclude the 19th matchweek report, we end up with a disappointment.

Newcastle, a team that was recently bought for a lot of money, and are struggling in the league, made us look like total morons.

A 7th minute opener from Allan Saint-Maximin was enough to make all us "Red Devils" fans just stop existing. This was also supported with how Newcastle kept outsmarting us with each new set piece they created from a normal chance or a counter attack. Shame they didn't win, because they deserved it.

Meanwhile, we just did nothing. We only had ONE player on our side. Saint De Gea and no one else. Our players were so lost on the field. Like, they played as if this was their first ever football game ever. Hell, even toddlers know how to kick a ball, unlike the lot I support. 

Cavani DID however score a goal, and De Gea prevented Newcastle from scoring more than one goal. We're screwed... 

Shite game to end what was otherwise an exciting matchweek...

Standings

Overall, a fantastic macthweek. Let's hope games won't get postponed too much now, but with how the virus is going on, postponing may become a common thing...

What? Next one will be this Friday. So be patient...

Lord Slayer...

PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHWEEK 17 & 18 REPORT

Fuck Corona

Another blitz round full of exciting matches, goals galore, and players putting their endurance skills to the test. Playing games almost every single day sounds exhausting. But there's one slight issue about this blitz round: 60% OF THE GOD DAM MATCHES GOT POSTPONED DUE TO A COVID OUTBREAK BETWEEN SOME CLUBS!!!

Not only some clubs, but in general England has been struck with a Covid outbreak. And the world as well for that matter. Shitty situation I know.

So not a whole lot happened these 2 matchweeks, so a report would be rather pointless to write. But that's bullshit. A load of fucking bullshit. You know why? Because something DID happen during these 2 matchweeks. But it was only between 4 clubs, out of 20. That's how bad it is, but these 4 managed to make things interesting, so we have to thank them. The brief reports on their performances will be based on their standing in the league.

With that out of the way. let's start the shitshow that is: Manchester CIty, Liverpool, Arsenal (Manchester United) and Tottenham Matchweek 17 & 18 Report...

Manchester City - City haven't changed one bit. They are doing what they normally do on an average Tuesday night: committing crimes and not getting arrested for them.

They had two easy games this matchweek. First one was against Leeds United (played on Tuesday, 14-12-2021) and against Newcastle United (Sunday, 19-12-2021).

Their first game against Leeds is certified as a classic war crime. They went in hard and left hard. They didn't know how to stop their abuse on poor Leeds. They came inside them 7 times. As if a goal was scored every 5 minutes. That's how hard they went down on Leeds.

Same can be said for the Newcastle game, except they went a bit easy on them, given they are now money buddies and all that. A 4-0 win was like a walk in the park for them. So in total, 2 easy wins, and a glorious 1st place. Fuck "The Citizens" man...

Liverpool - To say that this team is having a wild season is wrong. They're all over the place. Scoring goals, breaking records, give the fans love, end up with dramatic finishes, fights... They have it all!

This blitz round was no different from the rest, having won 1 of their 2 games, Liverpool are still on City's tail for that sweet, sweet 1st place. They faced off against Newcastle ( Thursday, 16-12-2021) and Tottenham Hotspur (Sunday, 19-12-2021).

Their first game was relatively easy. A 3-1 win over "The Magpies" was a walk in the park. Easy pickings.

Their next game however was a fucking wild. They faced off against Spurs and struggled. Spurs showed complete dominance over "The Reds" in the 1st half. By the end of the game, there were 4 goals in total (2-2 was the final score), a red card, a lot of chances, a fuckton of misses, and one angry German man.

I had multiple orgasms watching the game. It was that AWESOME!!!

Arsenal - I think this team is finally getting it. They might have found out how to play, create chances, score goals, and defend. But the season is hitting its mid-point, so all of this praise means nothing. They need to keep on playing good in order to keep that point valid.

Their 2 blitz games ended with blitz wins. First one was against West Ham United (Wednesday, 15-12-2021) and the second against Leeds (Saturday, 18-12-2021).

A wonderful display of performance against West Ham was demonstrated in front of the home and away fans, as Arsenal wiped the floor with their opponents, with a satisfying 2-0 win.

Same thing happened against Leeds, with a comfortable 4-1 win. "The Gunners" won't be running out of ammunition anytime soon with their current performance...

Manchester United - My team and I are dropping in just to say FUCK COVID FOR INFECTIN US (and other teams) AND POSTPONING OUR GAMES!!! GO SUCK A BIG ONE!!!

Tottenham Hotspur - These motherfuckers are having a hard time trying to find their head. 

Just like Liverpool, they are on a wild ride. But unlike Liverpool's epic wins and satisfactions with how they are doing on and off the pitch, Spurs are just a mess. A meme even.

But that doesn't mean they won't do wonders. Their clash against Liverpool, was a match that no one will ever forget. An actual football game in the present day? Get out of here! Goals, chances, saves, fights, emotion? That shit is nonexistent nowadays. But this game proved everyone wrong. A game with no winners, but no losers. Only legendary soldiers, shaking hands with the "agree to disagree" mindset. 

The answer for who is the winner will be settled another time... Also just watch the Liverpool highlights to see Spurs' goals and chances as well...

Standings 

Seriously! FUCK COVID-19!!!

Only closing remarks I have about this report and post is that my activity will be very minimal, as exams are on their way and preparations are a must! I will still post, but not as I used to do in the past few months. One post per week is going to be the norm for a while.

Stay safe out there, and fuck Corona

Lord Slayer...

 

 

 

ПРЕДСВЕСНИК

 

13:00

Локација: Тајна

Цел: Да се неутрализира опозицијата пред да го уништат градот. Во случај да се активира екслозивната направа, да се деактивира ОБАВЕЗНО!!!

 

 

Само што пристигнаве со тимот во некој си чуден и непознат град. Целиот покриен со пепел и темнина. Од што ни беше кажано, пред да се случи оваа војна, градов бил рај за човештвото. Од зеленилото што си било создадено, па се до индустријализираниот дел. Си имало за секој што да си прави. Но ние за жал тоа не го видовме. Во чистилиштето сме, и гласовите на загинатите не повикуваат да им се придружиме.

Дали ќе им се придружиме? Не сум сигурен. Дали ќе се вратиме живи? Ни за тоа не сум сигурен. А дали ќе ја извршиме задачата? Од кај кур да знам!

Во моментов што знам е дека местово е срање у густо грање и треба да убрзаме со движењето.

Групата наша се состои од 5 члена: Давид, кој ни е најдобриот пушкач, и секад е со неговиот М16. Иван, кој ни е борбениот лекар и секад е со негоиот Winchester 1887, кој сам си го модифицираше да може и до околу 65 метри да утепа некого. И исто така одма не лечи за да се вратиме назад во битка ако нешто би ни се случило. Маријан и Марија, нашите инжињери. Ставаат мини наоколу, ни поправаат оклопот ако ни е оштетен, и како мафијата од Чикаго, со нивните Tommy Guns/Thompson 1928 лом прават се. И тука сум јас. Евгениј. Од срање снајперист, до најглавната ѕвезда во групата, и војската. Моето чедо, Remington MSR, никогаш ми се немало спротиставено. Кај и да се наоѓа метата, камуфлирана или не, ќе си го добие.

И така, слетавме. Тргнавме кон местото каде треба да завршиме работата. Ама, само што не остави пилотот, одлетувајќи, со ракета го утепаа. Превозот за дома ни го снема, а исто така и контакт неможевме да воспоставиме.

Готови сме... Али надежта последна умира...

 

14:00

Локација: Тајна

Цел: Да се преживее

 

 

Полека, но и исто така брзо, стигнавме до нашата цел. И бевме топло пречекани од говедата кои не поебаа и ни го уништија нашиот превоз. Али најмонгу им ебам мамицата за војната што нивниот куртон од лидер им ја започна. Два роботи, инжињер и пушкачи го чуваа комплексот. Инжињерот со бомбата беше. Двобојот наликуваше ко некоја си видео игра, каде двата тима имаат по 5 играчи, и се тепаат на некоја си мапа.

Али немавме време да се пошалиме за ситуацијата. Давид нареди да се разделиме. Он на десната страна, близнаците во центарот, јас на левата страна, а Иван да не повлече за кратко време, да не излечи ако сме тешко ранети.

Разделбата заврши и двобојот почна.

Единствен проблем беше што... Маријан и Марија одма беа убиени. Роботите со ЕБАНИ гатлинг ги распарчија. Немавме можност да видиме како успеа се тоа да се деси.

За одмазда, усеав трчајќи и лизгајќи се да ги „деактивирам“ машините. Едниот у глава упуцан, а другиот со нож у грклан.

Вториот дур го бодев, еден од пушкачите на изродиве беше ептен до мене. Ме виде и извади секирата да ме пресече. Но, фала му на Бога, Давид во последен момент му го опра мозокот.

Али тоа се последните добри вести. Другото оди во долна насока.

Давид беше тешко ранет во двобој со инжињерот. Иван со димна бомба се сокри за да може да го повлече Давид за брзо лечење.

Ја неможев да ги најдам оти последните преживеани еа тивки со нивните оружја. Не успеав да видам кај одат шо оти дур напаѓав, немав време да фрлам фокус кон нив двајца. Одлучив да се сокријам и да нишанам кон Иван и Давид.

Проблемот е што, дур да се наместам, дур да сватам што е како е, они беа мртви.

Јас останав последен. Бев готов. Безнадежен. Немав други опции. Останав без моите колеги. Го напуштија светов и им се придружија на граѓаните на овој темен град.

Дур размислував за отказ од животот, забележав две работи: Чекорите на пушкачот и инжињерот стануваа се погласни, а метата нивна за да ја дигнат во воздух беше каде што јас се наоѓав во моментов. Некој си маркет.

Ми дојде идеа. Ќе се „Самоубијам“.

Фрлив диман бомба. Кога видоа дека ја фрлам, се фрлија и они во чадот. Сега никој не знае кој каде е.

Им ги слушнав „апаратите за сечење“ месо. Едното беше ноже, другото секира. Од оној што го убив претходно. И јас се придружив во тоа.

„Слухот може да ме спаси“ си помислив.

Седев малце и слушнав дека беа во близина. Со еден замав, почуствував крв и нешто тешко.

Кога димот се стиви, ги видов телата. Тоа мало трпение ме спаси.

Само што јас сум сега осамен.

 

 

 

 

Х време

Локација: Тајна

Цел: Прифаќање на смртта

 

 

Осамен, без контакт, без пријатели. Веќе не знам ни што правам овде. Во овој суров, пуст, оцрнет и срање град. Ги слушам гласовите на мртвите. На невините, на моите пријатели, на непријателите. Сите ми викаат да прекинам и да им се придружам. Не можам тоа да го направам. Знаејќи какви зли суштества постојат во светов, неможам да се откажам. Ако нешто научив од оној двобој, е дека оваа војна ќе биде изгубена ако безбедно се бориш. Волјата за подобро утре, за победа, е нешто што сакам да го искажам. А не да бидам у позадина, како некој си подржувач на некој морон кој се плаши да даде живот за тој што го сака најмногу на светот.

Ако некој го најде овој запис, ја не сум помеѓу вас веќе. Јас сум помеѓу тие што ги прогонуваат грешниците. Коклку и да сум ранет, не се откажувам. Непријателот го одзема мирот човеков. Пријателите им помогнаа. Лидерите се плашат од се и сешто.

Сите 3 групи ќе завршат во овој град. Ова место. Тука ќе им биде гробот. Па дури и тој што ќе ме круниса за херој...

Ненормалното е нормално, а „нормалното“ е ненормално...

 

 

 

 

Последните записи на Евгениј Недвед, надимак „Самурај“, кој беше пронајден мртов на 18^ти Мај, 2025.

 

 

Нека неговиот гнев и омраза кон злото да не згасне.

Дур злото постои, тој да не брани со Михаил и Неговата војска.

Вечна ти слава, „Самурај“ Евгениј.

 

 

 

 

Lord Slayer

PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHWEEK 16 REPORT

Arsenal vs Southampton

Arsenal enjoyed their bukkake session...

This was not even a contest. Arsenal whipped the floor with Southampton, or in this case, they mowed the grass with them.

North London's side welcomed "The Saints" in the most wholesome way possible, and fed them with lead. It was piss poor performance from Southampton. Then again, their placement in the league speaks for itself, as they are now 16th. And since another blitz round is incoming, they're done for.

Meanwhile, Arsenal kept banging and banging and banging until they were tired from all that pounding they made. Lacazette (21st minute), Odegaard (27th minute) and Magalhaes (62nd minute) all came over Southampton's defense and left satisfied with their result...

 

Arsenal, as of now, is replenished with loads of ammo to unleash on its enemies...

Chelsea vs Leeds

Goal for you! And a goal for you! AND a goal for you! GOALS FOR EVERYONE!!!

This one was a BLAST!!! In one way or another that is. Both teams fought valiantly to their last breath, but in the end, "The Blues" took home the W and the 3 points.

Chelsea had a little bit of a problem in the 1st half, when they conceded a goal from Leeds' Raphinha in the 28th minute from the spot. But Mason Mount made sure Chelsea doesn't go down at half time, so he took Leeds with him and his squad, in the 42nd minute.

Following this, the 2nd half was more of a penalty shoot out rather than a match where goals were scored normally.

Chelsea took the lead in the 58th minute with a goal from the spot from Jorghino, then Gelhardt equalized in the 83rd minute, so that Jorghino could eventually break the tie with a 94th minute goal from, again, the spot. Cool as a cucumber, he secured a win for his side and closed the matchweek 16 chapter for Chelsea...

Jorghino out here saving his team from a possible defeat...

Liverpool vs Aston Villa

Even when he's not with them, Gerrard will never walk alone. Hell, even my father would fly over to Liverpool, just to accompany Steven...

Game of the week for me. I'm sorry, but this one is special.

Liverpool faced off against a relatively good Villa side, given their latest results, they're doing okay. It's all thanks to their manager, Steven Gerrard. And believe it or not, the time finally arrived for him to play against his boyhood hero club and love of his for the first time in his life. And how did that go?
Well, I was gonna make a "slip" joke, but realistically speaking, they played better than I expected. They held their own against Liverpool extremely well.

But in the end, as luck had a time limit, it eventually ran out. And they couldn't do anything when a penalty was awarded and Mohammed Salah scored it in the 67th minute. The only goal of the game.

The rest was just chances and misses.

All in all, seeing Steven Gerrard back in the Premier League, but more notably, in his home ground, was both an epic throwback to the good old days of English football and PTSD nightmares from whenever we or other clubs played against Liverpool...

A current Liverpool star beats an old Liverpool star...

Norwich vs Manchester United

Shite game to be frank...

I'll keep this one real short.
United and Norwich played, Norwich was the superior team, and we had De Gea as our best player, because that's the only guy we brought up for the game.

A penalty was awarded and Ronaldo scored it in the 75th minute (big shocker) and we won the game.

Throughout the match, I wanted to kill myself because of how badly we played. It was underwhelming at best. The last placed Premier League team played better than us. Let that sink in...

To be honest, just put Dave in the thumbnail and call it a day...

Standings

Premier League? More like: Penalty League, am I right?

Another blitz round is coming right up, so like my last Premier League report, I'll sandwich them both into both long and short report discussing how the teams played during those 2 matchweeks. In the meantime, I have no idea what I'll be doing...

Until next time
Lord Slayer...

 

 

5-7-5

Matsuo Bashō, (松尾 芭蕉, 1644 – November 28, 1694), the most famous poet of the Edo period and is also considered the greatest master of haiku. There's you trivia of the day...

 I. 

若い子が 　   Wakai ko ga                A young child                            Младо момче
街を旅する    machi o tabi suru        Travelling around the city         Патува низ градот
強い意志        tsuyoi ishi                   With a strong will                      Со силна волја
     

II.

Реката света
Целта ја стигна на крај
Пишано беше

III.

The sun shines above us
At the best or worst of times
Warm hope it gives us

Lord Slayer

UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE MATCHDAY 6 REPORT

In my previous matchday report, I was talking only about the confirmed teams for the next round of the Champions League 2021/2022 season. I didn't even elaborate on the matches that happened too. Same thing will apply here. As an additional asset for this report would be the lack of group tables and confirmed losers. I guess you could say this is a downgrade, but I'll fill you up on who is out, who is partially out, so don't worry about it.  With this, we are on our way to briefly close the group stage part of this year's Champions League journey...

Atletico Madrid (Group B)

There were 3 sides fighting to confirm their place in the Round of 16 here. Atletico, Porto and AC Milan were all fighting 'till their last breath. In the end, it came down to the Spanish side taking up the 2nd spot of Group B and advance with their English mates to the next round. Meanwhile, Porto's Champions League journey is over, but no their Europe journey. They are headed towards the Europa League. As for AC Mlan, i ragazzi sono tornati a Milano. Their journey is over.

How will Liverpool and Atletico fare in the next stage is unknown. But nonetheless, congratulations you two...

Sporting CP (Group C)

Sporting CP just barely managed to avoid relegation to the Europa League. Just barely.

They have been all over the place in Group C. Their performance consisted of winning one moment, drawing the next, and then losing in the end. It was as if they were high on sugar or something similar. But they did it in the end. They managed to secure their ticket to the Round of 16. The reason why they barely made it is because if they didn't have a better goal difference than Borussia Dortmund, they would have been the ones headed in the Europa League. But it is what it is.

Also Besiktas is this year's "Hero to Zero" team, as they won 0 points, or shall we use street lingo here, they won FUCK ALL this season. They got tossed around by everybody. Poor Besiktas.

Anyways, NEXT!!!

Benfica (Group E)

So yeah. Benfica advances in the Champions League. They played well, kept their cool, and secured their spot for the next round. Kudos to you Benfica...

OH WHO AM I KIDDING!!! THEY ARE NOT THE HIGHLIGHT OF GROUP E (Despite the title talking about how they qualified is there in the left upper corner), IT'S BLOODY BARCELONA!!!

The Catalonian side did not manage to beat Bayern Munich and secure THEIR spot for the Round of 16, but rather, they secured their place to some land that they haven't visited in over 20 years. That's right! This is the first time in 22 years for Barcelona to not advance in the Champions League. THIS IS BOTH SAD AND FUCKING HILARIOUS AT THE SAME TIME!!!

Villareal (Group F)

I kinda gambled myself on this one, but my money was on Villareal making it through the group stages. And they did. Not without some delays of course.

A snowstorm delayed the Wednesday game and had to be played on a Thursday. That's about it really, and it's the main reason why I'm writing this on Friday.

They were leading 3-0, but Atalanta almost made an epic comeback. Almost.

So yeah. Not much to write about here...

LOSC and Salzburg (Group G)

I honestly found this group boring as fuck. Mainly because the teams here didn't give me any dopamine to write about them, nor how the standings in the group were from start to finish. But in the end, they managed to peak my interest.

LOSC did a wonderful job in their final game against Wolfsburg with a 3-1 win and a beautifully secured 1st place and ticket for the Round of 16.

Salzburg on the other hand, did an even better job at securing their place for the next round, as this is the first in the club's history to advance in an European tournament, with a 1-0 win against Sevilla. They are LOSC's partner in crime in this group. Bravo you two. BRAVO!!!

Now as mentioned before, I shall also write down the teams that will continue their journey in the Europa League, and then the teams that will go home empty handed...

Europa League: 

- Leipzig

- Porto

- Dortmund

- Sheriff

- Barcelona

- Atalanta

- Sevilla

- Zenit

Returning home (and possibly getting spanked for failing):

- Club Brugge

- AC Milan

- Besiktas

- Shakhtar Donetsk

- Dynamo Kyiv

- Young Boys

- Wolfsburg

- Malmo

A very short report, but it's kinda like adding up the true ending to the first part of my mathcweek 5 report. So yeah, that explains the shortness and lack of detail and such.

Stay tuned for more content this weekend.

Lord Slayer...