PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHWEEK 19 REPORT (BOXING DAY EDITION)

 

FUCKING BOMBASTIC MATCHWEEK!!!

HO, HO, HO!!!! This was a jolly good show. Indeed it was. And despite 50% of matches being postponed due to Covid, we ended up witnessing some Premier League action this weekend. Not only that, but we also managed to play. After 2 or so weeks of no matches for "The Red Devils", we played our first game. And how was it? Did we win? Lose? Better yet, did City manage to disappoint me with their mediocre game or, did they do something amazing?
All of this in this week's dazzling report...

Tottenham Hotspur vs Crystal Palace

YOU WIN!!! PERFECT!!!

Let's start the report with something I'd like to call a "Perfect Win". Tottenham invited Palace over for some tea and biscuits, had some fine time listening to some classical tunes, whilst Crystal Palace was tossed left and right from Spurs. It was so bad, that they managed to actually knock themselves out in their attempt to fight back.

Spurs showed dominance in the first half, with goals from Harry Kane (32nd minute) and Lucas Moura (34th minute). These two made it look easy. And then to make things a lot better (or tragic if you're a Palace fan), Zaha got sent off in the 37th minute for a second yellow card.

To conclude this first report, Son Heung-Min ended it all in the 74th minute, after a fantastic match that could've seen a lot more goals. But a 3-0 win is still a good result...

Wonderful performance leads to wonderful results...

Norwich vs Arsenal

Arsenal finally using the big guns...

Norwich have done it yet again. They keep on proving to everyone that they're the #1 team when it comes to being the best in The Championship. BECAUSE THEY BELONG THERE!!! JESUS CHRIST!

Saka (6th and 67th minute), Tierney (44th minute), Lacazette (84th minute) and Emile Smith Rowe (from the spot in the 91st minute) just wouldn't stop firing their big arsenals at Norwich. No mercy was shown. "That shit is for the weak. Here at Arsenal FC, we dominate everything and everyone". I assume this is Arteta's game plan and mindset right now.

Norwich on the other hand, may as well start 2022 with a fixture in The Championship, because they are not recovering from this one. A huge loss that may as well confirm their relegation, during the mid-point of the season. Shame...

These motherfuckers are out for blood...

Manchester City vs Leicester City

Uh... Merry Christmas?

HOLY SHIT!!! FUCKING HELL!!! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?!? And here I thought that Spurs vs Liverpool was going to be the game of the season, but now fuck that. We have a new contender for game of the season. What in the actual fuck have you done you two?

Manchester City started off as usual, taking the lead early on, and continue to build upon that early lead. De Bruyne in the 5th minute scored for both his side and the first goal of Boxing Day. Upon seeing this example, Mahrez  and Gundogan decided to do the same thing ( Mahrez from the spot in the 14th minute and Gundogan in the 21st minute ). However, a dark cloud was approaching.

In the 2nd half, Maddison, Lookman and Iheanacho struck City with 3 goals. All 3 goals were not to far off from one another. "The Foxes" bit back, and were successful in making "The Citizens" bleed. With their sudden display of power, they were on a run. Nothing was stopping them. But because you are seeing the score-line above, you know what happened.

City took out their guns and shot down Leicester 3 times. Sterling shot twice, and Laporte once. This firing resulted in the game ending 6-3. A true Boxing Day match in my humble opinion, as in, there was actual boxing, rather than unboxing boxes...

Manchester City wins by a TKO...

Newcastle vs Manchester United

Leave it to us to ruin everything...

And to conclude the 19th matchweek report, we end up with a disappointment.

Newcastle, a team that was recently bought for a lot of money, and are struggling in the league, made us look like total morons.

A 7th minute opener from Allan Saint-Maximin was enough to make all us "Red Devils" fans just stop existing. This was also supported with how Newcastle kept outsmarting us with each new set piece they created from a normal chance or a counter attack. Shame they didn't win, because they deserved it.

Meanwhile, we just did nothing. We only had ONE player on our side. Saint De Gea and no one else. Our players were so lost on the field. Like, they played as if this was their first ever football game ever. Hell, even toddlers know how to kick a ball, unlike the lot I support. 

Cavani DID however score a goal, and De Gea prevented Newcastle from scoring more than one goal. We're screwed... 

Shite game to end what was otherwise an exciting matchweek...

Standings

Overall, a fantastic macthweek. Let's hope games won't get postponed too much now, but with how the virus is going on, postponing may become a common thing...

What? Next one will be this Friday. So be patient...

Lord Slayer...