PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHWEEK 16 REPORT

Arsenal vs Southampton

Arsenal enjoyed their bukkake session...

This was not even a contest. Arsenal whipped the floor with Southampton, or in this case, they mowed the grass with them.

North London's side welcomed "The Saints" in the most wholesome way possible, and fed them with lead. It was piss poor performance from Southampton. Then again, their placement in the league speaks for itself, as they are now 16th. And since another blitz round is incoming, they're done for.

Meanwhile, Arsenal kept banging and banging and banging until they were tired from all that pounding they made. Lacazette (21st minute), Odegaard (27th minute) and Magalhaes (62nd minute) all came over Southampton's defense and left satisfied with their result...

 

Arsenal, as of now, is replenished with loads of ammo to unleash on its enemies...

Chelsea vs Leeds

Goal for you! And a goal for you! AND a goal for you! GOALS FOR EVERYONE!!!

This one was a BLAST!!! In one way or another that is. Both teams fought valiantly to their last breath, but in the end, "The Blues" took home the W and the 3 points.

Chelsea had a little bit of a problem in the 1st half, when they conceded a goal from Leeds' Raphinha in the 28th minute from the spot. But Mason Mount made sure Chelsea doesn't go down at half time, so he took Leeds with him and his squad, in the 42nd minute.

Following this, the 2nd half was more of a penalty shoot out rather than a match where goals were scored normally.

Chelsea took the lead in the 58th minute with a goal from the spot from Jorghino, then Gelhardt equalized in the 83rd minute, so that Jorghino could eventually break the tie with a 94th minute goal from, again, the spot. Cool as a cucumber, he secured a win for his side and closed the matchweek 16 chapter for Chelsea...

Jorghino out here saving his team from a possible defeat...

Liverpool vs Aston Villa

Even when he's not with them, Gerrard will never walk alone. Hell, even my father would fly over to Liverpool, just to accompany Steven...

Game of the week for me. I'm sorry, but this one is special.

Liverpool faced off against a relatively good Villa side, given their latest results, they're doing okay. It's all thanks to their manager, Steven Gerrard. And believe it or not, the time finally arrived for him to play against his boyhood hero club and love of his for the first time in his life. And how did that go?
Well, I was gonna make a "slip" joke, but realistically speaking, they played better than I expected. They held their own against Liverpool extremely well.

But in the end, as luck had a time limit, it eventually ran out. And they couldn't do anything when a penalty was awarded and Mohammed Salah scored it in the 67th minute. The only goal of the game.

The rest was just chances and misses.

All in all, seeing Steven Gerrard back in the Premier League, but more notably, in his home ground, was both an epic throwback to the good old days of English football and PTSD nightmares from whenever we or other clubs played against Liverpool...

A current Liverpool star beats an old Liverpool star...

Norwich vs Manchester United

Shite game to be frank...

I'll keep this one real short.
United and Norwich played, Norwich was the superior team, and we had De Gea as our best player, because that's the only guy we brought up for the game.

A penalty was awarded and Ronaldo scored it in the 75th minute (big shocker) and we won the game.

Throughout the match, I wanted to kill myself because of how badly we played. It was underwhelming at best. The last placed Premier League team played better than us. Let that sink in...

To be honest, just put Dave in the thumbnail and call it a day...

Standings

Premier League? More like: Penalty League, am I right?

Another blitz round is coming right up, so like my last Premier League report, I'll sandwich them both into both long and short report discussing how the teams played during those 2 matchweeks. In the meantime, I have no idea what I'll be doing...

Until next time
Lord Slayer...