UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL REPORT

 

The most anticipated game of the season happened yesterday. The final of the UEFA Champions League took place in the national stadium of France, Stade de France. That's a mouthful to say it. Eh, scratch that. I'll just say that they played on Stade the France, the stadium for the French national team. Fits much better, an I right?

Now, what really happened yesterday...

Oh yeah... A FUCKING DELAY HAPPENED!!!

The fucking game was delayed for half an hour due to the players being fucking late. And once they got there, they had to warm up and shit, meaning everyone spent waiting (some patiently, some nervously) for the game to start. I almost fell asleep waiting for it, but that's because I woke up from a quick nap and had no idea where I was or who I was. 

And to make things even worse, we had technical issues during the 2nd half of the game due to the weather disrupting the signal of the TV station. We missed 1/4 of the 2nd half thanks to that bullshit.

But about the game itself now:

Both teams played fantastic football. The coaches should be proud of themselves for their performance of this final. Klopp and Ancelotti went out with a bang. But I'll admit, Klopp had the bigger and badder bang than Ancelotti.

Liverpool were terrifying throughout the whole match. Their 4-3-3 formation, which had its defence spread to defend more, gave Real Madrid all sorts of trouble. The wide defence blocked "Los Blancos" from reaching the goal, the midfield kept interrupting attacks, and the attackers just kept on bombing Courtois' goal. They had a fuck ton of chances to turn the match into a training session. That's how good Liverpool were during this game. Mane and Salah had chances that should've resulted in at least 5 goals at minimum. 

But as you can see from this description, none of this shit happened. Instead, "The Reds" had what I'd like to call it, "A Liverpool Moment".

Basically, what happens is that Liverpool plays the game too good, has lots of chances, doesn't score, and they concede 1 or 2 goals, and the game ends with a loss.

And this moment can be applied to the final as well, as they just did the same shit. Real Madrid just had to wait for the right time to attack and score the one and only goal of the game, thanks to Vinícius Júnior in the 60th minute, which would've been good to witness HAD OUR FUCKING SIGNAL NOT FUCKING DROPPED DEAD AND HAD TO LISTEN TO UEFA'S OFFICIAL RADIO TO KNOW THAT THEY FUCKING SCORED!!!

Oh and Benzema had a chance to score, but was caught offside, so that happened. As for their game, it was good, but Liverpool were more memorable to me than Real Madrid. Their strategy and attacks and all of that were similar of their opponents, but not as frequent.

But anyways

The Winners of this year's UEFA Champions League are...

REAL MADRID

Real Madrid now has 14 Champions League titles in their trophy room. Twice more than AC Milan... And this image belongs to UEFA itself. Just wanted to point that out...

Courtois' incredible save...

Everyone fucking died when this happened...

The goal that ended everything...

And that's a wrap from me with football for a while. I've covered three giant spectacles of world football since I started with my blog. First it was the World Cup, then the Premier League, and now the Champions League.

Since I am a Manchester United fan (meaning I'm biased towards who they play or where they play), I'll be writing about the Europa League from next season. That shit is super fucking weird with its schedule, so only thing I might be doing is just cover a dew matches and then just post the group standings, because fuck writing a book trying to cover the whole tournament.

But yeah. That's much about it really. A monthly review of the Premier League plus Europa League reports. Should give me a lot of breathing space for other things to write.

Until next time, fellow reader...

PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHWEEK 38 REPORT

 

This was it! The final day for England's top tier football. Emotions were overclocked to 200%. It was anybody's day for anything. A chance to avoid relegation, to secure a spot for European football, and the most prestigious objective: BECOME THE CHAMPION OF ENGLAND!

Instead of the usual shtick of me selecting matches and dissect them into a semi-professional matter, I'll just express my thoughts about the final day, and give a quick opinion of the season that we all were a part of.

Starting off the report, I'd like to say that it is with great sadness, Burnley did not manage to safe themselves from relegation. Norwich, Watford & Burnley (from last to third to last) have parted ways from the Premier League and are now the new members of The Championship. Fulham, Bournemouth and anyone bellow them will replace the former Prem teams in the next season.

For the teams that were fighting for European football, here are the results: West Ham will be participating in the Conference League, after a DREADFUL LOSS TO BRIGHTON!!! Like, why didn't you twats win???? I wanted US to go there so we can be humiliated to the point of starting from scratch and rebuild a better and stronger Manchester United side. But nope. You had to go and lose the game.

"WE ARE A MASSIVE CLUB".

More like: "WE ARE A MASSIVE JOKE"

But, I digress. Meanwhile, United lost to Crystal Palace. Nothing new for us. But regardless, we finish the season on the 6th position, which means Europa League football for us. Same with Arsenal. We may not have ended qualifying for the Conference, but us disappointments end up in a decent competition nonetheless.

Oh and Spurs won 0-5 on the final day, but it's Spurs, so we'll just skip over them TO THE MAIN EVENT!!!

The final 2 matches were fucking insane! Manchester City vs Aston Villa on one side, and then there's Liverpool vs Wolverhampton on the other.

First half for the games were on Liverpool's side, as Gerrard's Aston Villa was in the lead for that game, and Liverpool just managed to score to make it 1-1. 

They were SURE that they would score a second goal and grab the win. BUT!!! Life is a cruel mistress.

Which is why, I am here to announce that the winners of The Premier League 2021-2022 season are...

MANCHESTER CITY

Image belongs to SkySports. It was good not to use it, as it's so well put...

"The Citizens" relieved their 2011-2012 season all over again. Scoring the winning goal in the final minutes of the game, they had a new "AGUERRRROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" moment. Except this time it was Ilkay Gündogan that had that moment.

As it stands, here's how the Final Top 5 look:
I. Manchester City

II. Liverpool
III. Chelsea
IV. Tottenham Hotspur

V. Arsenal

And the bottom 5 are:

XVI. Everton
XVII. Leeds United

XVIII. Burnley
XIX. Watford
XX. Norwich City

With this, I am done with writing about the Premier League. For now.
What I'll do after this is write a report on the final of the Champions League, and then proceed to write something else than just football.
I have been thinking about this for a while now, but spending time writing reports on Matchweeks + Champions League has drained my energy A LOT and has caused me numerous times to lose motivation to write. There were times where I'd end up writing nothing but football related posts and the rest was just a side project.
I do not want this to become my main priority. I want to write more than just this. So I'm thinking of continuing this, but rather than doing it weekly, I do it monthly. Write a somewhat long report of the Premier League over the spam of a certain month. A quick recap of how the teams have been performing and just chatting shit really. 
With this, I'll have more time to write other things, such as poems, stories, game reviews, and much more (Yes, I plan to expand even to other parts of my writing).

So in the end, City won the title, and I'll be reforming my writing schedule...

We shall see each other again after the final of UEFA Champions League or the day after it.

Take care...

Oh and I might change the name of the blog as well...

PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHWEEK 37 REPORT

 

Matchweek 37. The penultimate matchweek. We're nearing the end of the season. If you haven't pushed away you competition early on so you can win the league, it's these last two weeks where that shit matters the most.

Some games can decide the winner, relegation for some, a spot for European football and so forth.

With this info out of the way, let's see what happened in matchweek 37...

Watford vs Leicester City

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

Talk about a clusterfuck of a match. Imagine being punished severely for scoring a goal.

That's the story of this game. Watford was violated for trying to play football.

Joao Pedro opened the game with a goal in the 6th minute. Standard stuff, right?

AND THEN FUCKING LEICESTER RESPONDED WITH NUKES FROM MADDISON (18th minute), VARDY (22nd and 70th minute) & BARNES (46th and 86th minute)!!! LIKE IS THIS TEAM ON CRACK OR SOMETHING??? Poor Watford didn't stand a chance.

Relegation wasn't enough for "The Hornets". A bloody beatdown was included with their departure from the Prem, as a reminder that it's do or die in this league...

Leicester woke up on that day and chose violence...

West Ham vs Manchester City

This is fucking rigged, I tell ya! FUCKING RIGGED!!!

Guess the final matchweek will be an exciting one... CAUSE CITY BOTTLED IT BADLY!!!!

Bowen was the dominatrix of the first half, with 2 goals in the 24th and 45th minute of the game.

Jack Grealish, the Englishman who doesn't know where England is on the UK map, then decided to strike back and succeed in the 49th minute. 

20 minutes later, during the minutes of the funny number, Coufal coughed up an own goal to make the final score 2-2.

If this shit doesn't say "MATCH FIXING", I dunno what else to comment about it. Make the excitement natural, not like a shitty or scripted event from a show or something...

If City fuck up the final game of the season, Liverpool will have the same amount of titles as we do. I wouldn't like that to happen...

Newcastle vs Arsenal

Weapon degradation at its finest...

OI, YOU LOT!!!

Join us! As Manchester United and Arsenal are both shite!!! We at the Conference, you at the Europa! We'll have a wonderful time.

Don't forget to carry on with your Benjamin White "Knight", cause that lad is good fortune... FOR THE OPPOSING TEAM!!!

Nice... Fucking nice...

Standings

Until next time
Lord Slayer

PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHWEEK 36 REPORT

 

The last 8 days feel like it's been eternity since I've written something here. But that's because I've had no real inspirations to write anything. Bad, it is. I've been thinking about this lack of writing issue for a while, but I'll address it in a different post. 

Until then, REPORT TIME!!!

Tottenham appreciation matchweek

Somehow, this ended up being a Spurs appreciation matchweek. Maybe it has something to do with how they had 2 games that were exciting and one of those games was very important that may have been affected by the "Butterfly Effect".

So, against who did they play during this matchweek?
I. Liverpool
II. Arsenal

Liverpool vs Tottenham

A vital game that may have already decided the champions of this season's Prem...

Spurs' first game of this matchweek was suicidal. Playing against Liverpool (or Man City) is like trying to fight off a bully using book sheets. Or like facing off Bayern or PSG. Or some kind of fucking shit with a weapon that does fuck all.

BUT THESE MADLADS ACTUALLY DID IT!!! And they didn't win, but they didn't lose either...

The match was mostly favored by Liverpool and their fans. An easy win, this should have been. Struggle, was not foreseen.

First half was exciting, but no goals. Boring!

Second half HAD GOALS!!! The legend of South Korea, Son Heung-Min, opened the gates for emotions to flood during the game in the 56th minute. 

Luis Diaz made the emotions GO BOOM with his goal in the 76th minute, driving both sides and their fans nuts.

But as the fine score suggests, it ended as a draw. 

This draw may have changed Liverpool' fate for the better or for the worst. 2 games left for the season to end. Will Liverpool surpass City and win the league? Or will Spurs end up above Arsenal and mock them for failing to rule London?

Find out in maybe the next matchweek...

A nail-biting game that saw now winner, nor losers. Players left with respect and hope for the future, and fans left with brown and yellow pants...

Spurs vs Arsenal

LOOK AT THEM!!! LAUGH!!!

I'll keep this one short, just like Holding's presence in the game.

Arsenal: Got a player sent off in the 33rd minute and got destroyed afterwards.

Spurs: Sir Harold Kane showed the peasants who's in charge of North London

Man United: They make me suicidal...

Unlucky Arsenal... Losing to such a small club? Such shame.

Standings

Until next time

Lord Slayer

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I should honestly write more...

UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE SEMI FINALS SECOND LEG

 

At last, the moment we've all been waiting for. The final of Europe's most elite tournament. The final game of the football season, where the winner will become Europe's mightiest Champion. Or maybe, Europe's Villain.

I actually forgot how many games it took the finalists to get here. 6 games, plus the additional rounds... That'd be around 12 games. DAMN!!!

Why does the final have to be represented as the unlucky number?

Regardless, the finalists of this season's UEFA Champions League: LIVERPOOL & REAL MADRID.

Instead of talking about the 2nd leg (despite this being a report on that), I wanted to just take a look on how the teams did during the season. Of course, the games in the semis will be mentioned, both 1st and 2nd leg respectively.

Without further ado, we start off with Liverpool...

LIVERPOOL F.C.

Round of 16: - The first game against Inter was vital for them. An easy 2-0 win saw Liverpool qualifying earlier for the quarters. The 2nd leg, which was a loss, did not affect them.

Quarter-finals: - Humiliated the fuck out of Benfica.

Semi-finals: - Villarreal managed to get an early lead in the 2nd leg during the first half, but fortunately, that didn't last for too long. 3 goals was a bit of an overkill, but that got their place booked for the final.

Villarreal's trial of winning expired in the 2nd half...

REAL MADRID

Round of 16: - Struggling start against PSG. Nevertheless, 2nd leg saw them winning with ease.

Quarter-finals: - Same deal with PSG, except the results swapped. They won against Chelsea the first game. and the second was a loss. Surely this wasn't going to repeat in the semis, right?

Semi-finals: - IT FUCKING DID REPEAT!!! The first half of the 2nd leg was a draw, but City then scored in the 73rd minute. Ancelotti is a fine man. He kept his head calm, sent in a new recruit (Rodrygo), and... Well, the rest is history...

Whilst watching these highlights, Ancelotti is frying eggs on top of Pep's bald and fuming head...

I have nothing else to say except that this will be one hell of a final. These two have faced each other before. And it ended with Real winning the Champions League and bullying Liverpool into submission. Salah got injured, teamwork was nowhere to be found, and Karius got meme'd to death after his mistakes.

Will Liverpool get their revenge and win their (lucky) 7th title? Or will Real reign superior again and win their 14th title?

That result will be answered on May 28th, at Stade de France... 

There can be only one winner...

Lord Slayer...

PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHWEEK 35 REPORT

 

Everton vs Chelsea

A big YIKES for Chelsea, and a big HOORAH for Everton...

The game between Everton and Chelsea was quite interesting. "The Blues" and their current streak of bad luck was challenged by the seasonal calamity that's been hunting down "The Toffees".

Lampard's boys, despite being quite shit this season, pulled off a wonder, as they are determined to not get relegated to The Championship. Even if it means playing quite cheap.

A decent first half for both Chelsea and Everton. The attacks were good, but the defending was even better.

Then in the early moments of the second half, Richarlison, with an assist from Demarai Gray, found a way to "bypass" "The Blues" and score.

The rest of the game went on relatively "passive". From Everton's perspective at least, as they kept defending to avoid defeat. Chelsea's furious attacks were useless.

Now, Everton's chances of remaining in the league have increased, whereas Chelsea is now vulnerable, can be surpassed and drop from the top 3...

Nice job, Chelsea! You did good... NOT!!!

60 seconds of madness...

West Ham vs Arsenal

Meanwhile, Arsenal's good fortune continues to blossom well...

"The Hammers" couldn't find a good moment to strike a homerun using Arsenal's ammunition, so they got shot down and were knocked out cold. But they didn't go down without a fight.

An energetic first half saw 2 goals. First one was from Rob Holding in the 38th minute, followed by West Ham's Jarrod Bowen in the 45th minute.

So far, so good. An exciting first half. A single goal could determine the final outcome.

And then Gabriel Magalhaes scores in the 54th minute and the game is over.

Got nothing else to say about that afterwards. Arsenal won, West Ham lost. "The Gunners" have escaped the claws of "The Red Devils", but are still in their sight.

As if we'll surpass Arsenal...

Easy win for Arsenal, but West Ham can still shake things up, even if the season is almost finished...

Manchester United vs Brentford

Ez...

I'm going to keep this one short, as the game isn't the important part here. Despite the reports being about the games, I also chat shit about other stuff as well.

First off, the game against Brentford was quite easy. A goal from Fernandes in the 9th minute was followed by a Ronaldo penalty in the 61st minute. Ronny was lagging, so that's why he scored late in the game. Then Varane in the 72nd and it was a good 3-0 win.

However, outside of the game. things were very different and emotional. For starters, this was our final home game of the season. Nothing too thrilling or special about it, normally. The kick in the pants is this one: this was the LAST home game for Matic, Cavani and Mata. 

Matic said last month that he wants to leave the club at the end of the season. The same goes for the other two. 

A bit of a bland end, but I just wanted to get the point across. Thank you very much for playing for one of the best teams in the universe, thank you for providing us with exciting action and goals, and thank you for... Pretty much anything really.

I'm confident your next chapters in life will be exciting and epic...

Sad game overall. The win doesn't even matter...

Standings

Until next time

Lord Slayer