UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE ROUND OF 16 FIRST LEG REPORT

The UEFA Champions League took a long ass time for itself to pop up on my blog again. 2 months of taking a break from itself, plus waiting for the first leg of the Round of 16 to be fully completed so I can write the report? Fucking hell! That's a very long ass time without a report on anything.

But that's in the past now. 
The first leg has been concluded, and now it's time for me to report on what happened, and to see how the fuck Manchester City qualified for the quarter finals in the first leg AND game of this year's Round of 16.

Sporting CP vs. Manchester City

Damn...

Oh! So that's how City qualified for the quarter-finals. A 5-0 thrashing over any team during their away game = instant qualification for the next stage of the competition. Chances for a miracle are open. But when you're facing England's best team, miracle ain't gonna do you much shit. Especially since City has players like Mahrez, Bernando Silva, Foden, Sterling, and many more (also the players I mentioned all scored in the 1st leg, according from first to last, with Silva scoring 2).

About the game itself: City went full on dominatrix mode. Dressed in a black leather outfit, with black leather high heels, and a whip, they worked the fuck out of Sporting. This shit is to be expected from the rematch as well...

PSG vs Real Madrid

Lots of PSG fans lost their nails cause of this game...

Imagine being a fan for either side, and you watch this game. Both sides have chances to make an impact on the game, and their chances of the tournament. Every tackle, every pass, every shoot. Giving you hopes of a goal that will put pressure for the whole duel of this Round of 16 set of legs.

And then fucking this happens. Out of fucking nowhere, after a game where no goal happened, where pretty much it was expected for the game to end a boring 0-0 draw, Mbappe in the 94th FUCKING MINUTE, scores the only goal of the game to put PSG in the lead and with the hopes of scoring a goal away now so they can solidify their place in the quarter-finals...

Salzburg vs Bayern

Wait what?

Wait what the fuck? The great Bayern München almost screwed up? Against a side that's relatively new? Man I'm becoming old for this shit!

But anyways, Salzburg surprised Europe this time around, with a fantastic game and lots of chances, that were so good, it kept them in the lead for 78 minutes straight. Adamu in the 21st minute gave his team the lead, and they held it like champs. "The Bavarians" did however cracked their knuckles and decided to return fire in the 2nd half of the game, and reached their goal, but not their target. Their next game could either be a decisive one, or a beatdown from Bayern. Anything is possible with these two...

Inter vs Liverpool

Of course they'd win. OF COURSE THEY WOULD FUCKING WIN!!!

To no one's surprise, Liverpool won their 1st leg against Inter with a casual 2-0 win against Inter in their home ground, Stadio San Siro. Despite struggling to find the net in the first half, Firmino and Salah found a solution in the other half of the match to put Liverpool in the lead for the next game, and putting Inter into a tough spot for them to figure out how to strike back in order to avoid getting knocked out from the competition.
Other than that, nothing else to talk about this game. Both teams played good football, with fantastic defending, good counters and good attacks. Nothing to comment on that...

Chelsea vs LOSC

Ok?

LOSC came from a group that made me sleepy whenever I watched and had to report on it. Same energy was carried over here, when they lost 2-0 to Chelsea.
Havertz and Pulisic scored to put Chelsea in the lead and that's all I'm gonna say. This game made me sleepy...

Villareal vs Juventus

Speedrun CL 2021/2022 any% WR attempt failed

They just straight up woke up and said "FUCK IT" and went to score in the first microseconds of the game. Hell, I just came back from getting snacks and drinks so I can consume them during the game, only to find out "The Old Lady" scored as soon as the referee came onto the pitch. HOLY SHIT DUDE!!! Vlahovic! Calm yourself down!

Oh and Villareal scored in the 66th minute with a goal from Parejo. Good job Parejo. You saved your team from a defeat, and you ruined Juventus' speedrun attempt to qualify for the next stage. Had Juve scored more, they would've surpassed Manchester City in this so called speedrun attempt to get the trophy...

Benfica vs Ajax

Ajax is so good, they gave themselves an own goal, just so they can mess with Benfica...

The game between Benfica and Ajax was so fucking hilarious, that I saw it like a cartoon more than a real game.
Ajax were the better side by a longshot. Scored goals, created chances, created pressure, created babies. You name it, chances are they have already created it. Hell, even own goals, they'll create them. Between the 17th and 30th minute of the game, they scored 3 goals (2 for themselves and one against).
Benfica on the other hand, had one shot at equalizing the game and managed to do it. Yaremchuk in the 72nd minute scored and ended the game as a draw. The next game between these two is a must watch...

Atletico vs Manchester United

¡Puta!

Bad game, bad result.

Enough said.

AND WITH THIS, leg 1 of Round of 16 comes to an end. Expect me tomorrow to talk shit about Matchweek 26.

Until next time
Lord Slayer