A lot of shit happened this matchday. Like really.
Group A
An interesting change in positions...
We start off the report, without any surprises, with Group A.
One of the first things to notice is how the standings have changed in just one matchday. Let's start off with the newly promoted Club Brugge, who managed to beat Leipzig 2-1. Despite Leipzig's great start in the 5th minute, they were later caught up by the Belgium club, who scored 2 goals in the 1st half. And the result stayed like that for the rest of the game. And with this victory, they have surpassed City and managed to get 2nd place. Wait! Surpassed City?
Believe it or not City lost to PSG. Guardiola's men were unable to do anything against the "Princes" in their "Park". With the opening goal in the 8th minute, followed by Messi, who finally is doing well in PSG (allegedly, since his overall mood is negative), scoring in the 74th minute, concluding the game and showing his former boss who's in charge...
One of the first things to notice is how the standings have changed in just one matchday. Let's start off with the newly promoted Club Brugge, who managed to beat Leipzig 2-1. Despite Leipzig's great start in the 5th minute, they were later caught up by the Belgium club, who scored 2 goals in the 1st half. And the result stayed like that for the rest of the game. And with this victory, they have surpassed City and managed to get 2nd place. Wait! Surpassed City?
Believe it or not City lost to PSG. Guardiola's men were unable to do anything against the "Princes" in their "Park". With the opening goal in the 8th minute, followed by Messi, who finally is doing well in PSG (allegedly, since his overall mood is negative), scoring in the 74th minute, concluding the game and showing his former boss who's in charge...
Messi finally scores and makes that another win for "The Princes" of France...
Brugge wasting no time with their win and their new placement in their group...
Group B
At this rate, AC Milan will be saying arrivederci to both the UCL and the Europa League...
Many will say that they feel death is present whenever someone mentions Group B. The reason for that is quite interesting. Back in the 80s, rally cars were so overpowered and at some points, unsuitable for rallying, that drivers either never finished the race or died mid race due to an accident, whether it'd be flying off the track or hitting a wall...
Now why did I mention this weird fact in a football report? Well let's take a look at FUCKING AC MILAN, who are dying and may be out of the UCL sooner than anyone else. They have yet to win a game, and are getting their asses kicked quite easily. Firstly by Liverpool, and now by Atletico Madrid. "Gli rossoneri" are still without a W (or even a D), which means the only thing they receive is a big fat L up their arse.
And then there's Liverpool, who managed to win another 5-1 game, only this time, against Portuguese side Porto. May I say, but at least Porto have a D, and still have a shot at taking 2nd or join the Europa if things don't workout for them...
Now why did I mention this weird fact in a football report? Well let's take a look at FUCKING AC MILAN, who are dying and may be out of the UCL sooner than anyone else. They have yet to win a game, and are getting their asses kicked quite easily. Firstly by Liverpool, and now by Atletico Madrid. "Gli rossoneri" are still without a W (or even a D), which means the only thing they receive is a big fat L up their arse.
And then there's Liverpool, who managed to win another 5-1 game, only this time, against Portuguese side Porto. May I say, but at least Porto have a D, and still have a shot at taking 2nd or join the Europa if things don't workout for them...
Okay, these guys need to stop with their fatalities on other teams...
A second Piazza di Spagna will be placed in Italy if this shit goes on...
Group C
Nothing to see here. Just 2 chads admiring one another...
I don't think there's any need to explain anything for Group C.
Ajax and Dortmund are doing exceptionally well with winning and bullying Besiktas and Sporting CP.
Ajax and Dortmund are doing exceptionally well with winning and bullying Besiktas and Sporting CP.
I'll just post the highlights for this one...
Ajax doing what they do all the time: Being too darn cool...
And Dortmund has no highlights to show sadly. Couldn't find anything at all...
Group D
This ain't no game, son...
Tell you what: I'm betting all my gold nuggets dug out from dem cold mines that our club Sheriff will make it longer than anyone else in this competition. We first hit it off with them Ukraine boys: Shakhtar. We showed them how our boys do well with somewhat decent players. Then came a real test. "Los Blancos". Those Spaniards and their reign over everyone else. They tried to ruin the man's beautiful game. But we showed them who they are. And lemme tell you: They are nothing but a bunch of fakers, and I guarantee you that their reign will end here in this group.
Meanwhile, "I Nerazzuri" drew with Donetsk...
Meanwhile, "I Nerazzuri" drew with Donetsk...
Sheriff are running WILD. Makes sense, since they do come from the Wild West...
Group E
¿Qué carajo? Barcelona are dying as well?
This is not a drill. BARCELONA are also on the verge of exiting the tournament alongside AC Milan. Forget the new square joke I made earlier, because there will be no square. Since Spain is also failing with their teams too.
Barcelona suffered another defeat, this time at the hands of Benfica, who pretty much did what Bayern did to them in the first game of the new season. That includes: good play, good chances, well organized team, strong defense, and to top it all off, a good fucking manager. 3-0 ended up the score as Benfica ran circles around the Catalonian club. With a good win (and performance too), Benfica have climbed up the ranks and are 2 points behind Group E tyrants Bayern, who destroyed Kyiv 5-0.
At least Kyiv is doing something, lmao...
Barcelona suffered another defeat, this time at the hands of Benfica, who pretty much did what Bayern did to them in the first game of the new season. That includes: good play, good chances, well organized team, strong defense, and to top it all off, a good fucking manager. 3-0 ended up the score as Benfica ran circles around the Catalonian club. With a good win (and performance too), Benfica have climbed up the ranks and are 2 points behind Group E tyrants Bayern, who destroyed Kyiv 5-0.
At least Kyiv is doing something, lmao...
Barcelona are a dying club at this point...
The Bayern vs Kyiv incident, 29-09-2021
Group F
Say sike right now...
I am going to poke my eyes out with a fork...
United barely managed to win their game against the team that they lost last year's Europa League final. Hold on. Let me fix that. Okay, so: United barely managed to win their game against the team that got our ass beat and we managed to bottle the Europa League final. With a Ronaldo goal in the dying moments of the game, we managed to win 2-1 and avoid being the bottom of the barrel in Group F.
Meanwhile, Atalanta are movin' a bit mad, innit. Beating Young Boys 2-1 and taking the mantle as the new leaders of the group. These lot are an unpredictable squad. Everyone should be on guard when they strike. Things to mention is that it's anyone's game in here. A win or a draw can have an impact on the standings. I hope we end up qualifying for Round of 16...
United barely managed to win their game against the team that they lost last year's Europa League final. Hold on. Let me fix that. Okay, so: United barely managed to win their game against the team that got our ass beat and we managed to bottle the Europa League final. With a Ronaldo goal in the dying moments of the game, we managed to win 2-1 and avoid being the bottom of the barrel in Group F.
Meanwhile, Atalanta are movin' a bit mad, innit. Beating Young Boys 2-1 and taking the mantle as the new leaders of the group. These lot are an unpredictable squad. Everyone should be on guard when they strike. Things to mention is that it's anyone's game in here. A win or a draw can have an impact on the standings. I hope we end up qualifying for Round of 16...
Big Ron isn't the only guy in the squad Ole...
Group G
I don't even know what is going on in this group...
I'll be honest, this group just doesn't seem to fit with the rest this year. Only club that kinda fits here is Sevilla, but that just may be me.
But when taken into consideration with how the matches are played, that statement can be thrown out of the window. Because Sevilla drew against Wolfsburg 1-1. Neither side was unable to produce a winner. Funniest thing is that both teams have been unable to win a game. Sevilla was prevented by Salzburg, and LOSC prevented Wolfsburg.
And then the match between two teams that prevent wins happened and I'm happy to say, they rejected one another. Salzburg won their game 2-1 and parked at the first place in the group, whereas LOSC are sitting at the bottom with 1 point only...
But when taken into consideration with how the matches are played, that statement can be thrown out of the window. Because Sevilla drew against Wolfsburg 1-1. Neither side was unable to produce a winner. Funniest thing is that both teams have been unable to win a game. Sevilla was prevented by Salzburg, and LOSC prevented Wolfsburg.
And then the match between two teams that prevent wins happened and I'm happy to say, they rejected one another. Salzburg won their game 2-1 and parked at the first place in the group, whereas LOSC are sitting at the bottom with 1 point only...
Group H
"The Old Lady" asserts her dominance...
Short recap:
- Juventus kicked Chelsea's ass
- Zenit raped Malmo's ass- Juventus kicked Chelsea's ass
That's it...
After taking a careful look, this matchday has been a blow. Nothing too spectacular to write about, except how Milan and Barcelona, two strong sides, struggling to win games or produce excitement. These two are in the mud if something is note done...
Until next time
Lord Slayer...
Lord Slayer...
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