THE CHAMPIOOOOOOOOOOOOONS!!!
BOY OH BOY!!!! GUESS WHO'S BACK?!?!? BACK AGAIN?!?!? THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE!!!! THAT IS BACK!!!
It's been incredibly boring and painful to not watch the most elite football competition in the world. After the Euro's ended, we craved for the new season to start, and after that, we craved for the Champions League to return. And now that it is back on our tv screens (for us, it's only Wednesdays, cause TV rights and all that bullshit), I'll also be tackling this thing too, alongside my Premier League reports. And before I start dissecting the first completed fixtures of the group stages, and the team's standings in their groups, I'd like to apologize for not posting this on Thursday. I wasn't feeling well and couldn't do it. So I'm doing that right now. Better late than never, I guess.
With this intro out of the way, let's analyze The Beginning, The Alpha, The Starting Point of the tournament with Group A...
It's been incredibly boring and painful to not watch the most elite football competition in the world. After the Euro's ended, we craved for the new season to start, and after that, we craved for the Champions League to return. And now that it is back on our tv screens (for us, it's only Wednesdays, cause TV rights and all that bullshit), I'll also be tackling this thing too, alongside my Premier League reports. And before I start dissecting the first completed fixtures of the group stages, and the team's standings in their groups, I'd like to apologize for not posting this on Thursday. I wasn't feeling well and couldn't do it. So I'm doing that right now. Better late than never, I guess.
With this intro out of the way, let's analyze The Beginning, The Alpha, The Starting Point of the tournament with Group A...
Group A (Manchester City, PSG, Club Brugge and Leipzig)
Wait... What the actual fuck is that Goal difference bullshit?
While they didn't really kick off the new season of the Champions League, that honor belongs to the Groups E, F, G and H, it'd be stupid to start off with them. But anyways, Group A. It's a challenging group. You have the likes of Manchester City and PSG vs Club Brugge and Leipzig. The real kicker in this group is the battle for 3rd place and the advancement to the Europa League, because let's face it! Man. City and PSG will end up in the top 2, unless some shit happens and a miracle brings either of the bottom 2 teams at the top. And why do I say that? Well, based on the match between Brugge and PSG, the French side was unable to win all 3 points, whereas City and Leipzig decided to go full Brawler mode on each other, with a 6-3 win for "The Citizens". It goes to show that this group is a challenging one, and that Pep Guardiola should stick to coaching, and not chatting shit...
Group B (Liverpool, Atletico Madrid, Porto and Milan)
AVEVI UN SOLO COMPITO MILAN!!! UN CAZZO DI COMPITO!!!
A similar case like Group A, where 2nd and 3rd place are shared with a draw and no goal difference between the two. Porto and Atletico just couldn't cancel out one another and ended up sharing the points, and the goals, AND their placement in the group.
However, that cannot be said about the game between Liverpool and AC Milan, which all in all, was an amazing match. "I Rossoneri" stepped on "Anfield" soil for the first time in their history. But that didn't stop the teams for going all out to win the game. Oh no! In fact, it was so good, that the game was a blast! Milan gave it their all, but in the end, as they normally do it (like a certain other "red" team), they bottle it up tremendously! From a score of 1-2, they ended up defeated with a score of 3-2, with an incredible screamer from Jordan Henderson. AC Milan needs to not feel bad, as they showed great skill against "The Scousers". And if they continue with this mentality, they might actually end up as leaders of their group...
Group C (Ajax, Dortmund, Beşiktaş and Sporting CP)
Finally, a group where we have confirmed leaders!
Finally! A group where the first two teams have actually confirmed why the 1st and 2nd place belongs to them. Ajax and Dortmund lead Group C with an Iron Fist, with both teams winning their first games of the group stage with ease. Well, sort of.
Ajax vs Sporting CP was basically the Dutch team committing a war crime on their opponents, with a 5-1 win over the Portuguese side. I'm pretty sure they also enjoyed their stay whilst being in Portugal too!
Meanwhile, Dortmnd beats Turkish side Beşiktaş 2-1, after a tough game. The Turkish held their own well enough against "Die Borussen", but weren't able to defeat them. Obviously, shout out for trying to do such an impossible task, but as we'll see later on, we'll soon learn that stopping a German team is an IMPOSSIBLE TASK!!!
Meanwhile, Dortmnd beats Turkish side Beşiktaş 2-1, after a tough game. The Turkish held their own well enough against "Die Borussen", but weren't able to defeat them. Obviously, shout out for trying to do such an impossible task, but as we'll see later on, we'll soon learn that stopping a German team is an IMPOSSIBLE TASK!!!
Group D (Real Madrid, Inter, Shakhtar and Sheriff)
Wat?
What in tarnation, partner? You sayin' that lil' ol' Sheriff is on top of the group? Well, I'll be damned. It's only right that an experienced cowboy is on the top of the food chain. The Wild West is not your standard game, son. People out here tryin' to survive, and the others are playing games. And it's those simple folks that play games that will end up getting swollen up by the wilderness. So remember, always be on guard, for someone damned might come in and bust you for that sweet bounty that's on your head!
Meanwhile, Inter's finally paying for changing their iconic badge. Like what the fuck is that shit they decided to go with? Looks like a Chinese knockoff version of their original logo. "Los Blancos" decided that enough is enough and took matters into their own hands, and beat their asses. Matchday 1 has been tough for the teams from Milano, and this defeat of 1-0 proves it that they need to improve their focus if they want to win games...
Meanwhile, Inter's finally paying for changing their iconic badge. Like what the fuck is that shit they decided to go with? Looks like a Chinese knockoff version of their original logo. "Los Blancos" decided that enough is enough and took matters into their own hands, and beat their asses. Matchday 1 has been tough for the teams from Milano, and this defeat of 1-0 proves it that they need to improve their focus if they want to win games...
Group E (Bayern, Benfica, Dynamo Kyiv and Barcelona)
GERMAN SCIENCE- I mean: GERMAN FOOTBALL IS THE GREATES IN THE WORLD!!!
I did say that in Group C, didn't I? YOU CANNOT STOP GERMAN TEAMS!!!
Bayern have done it once again! Proving to the world that Barcelona are a lost cause. In their standard fashion, they have thrashed the Catalunya side 3-0, leaving no prisoner behind. It's even worse for Barcelona, since they have lost Messi, and a bunch of other shit going on at the club, with the debt situation and all that. Is this the end for Barcelona? Or will they comeback to kick ass like how they used to back in the day?
The other two sides, Benfica and Dynamo, have been unable to reach an agreement on who should win the game, and have decided to get up and leave the field, leaving the score 0-0, or as I'd like to call it, FUCK ALL!
Really, the only spectacle of this group was Bayern beating Barcelona. This group disappointed with its opening matchday...
Group F (Manchester United, Villareal, Atalanta and Young Boys)
F... Is for FUCK YOU LINGARD!!! FUCK EVERYTHING!!!
I AM BEYOND PISSED ABOUT THIS SHIT!!! UNTIED MANAGED TO FUCK UP BIG TIMES!!! HOW COULD YOU FUCK UP A GAME AGAINST A CLUB THAT HAS A NAME THAT ALLUDES TO UNDERAGE BOYS?!?!? HOW TF COULD YOU FUCK UP SO HARD?!?!? RONALDO AIN'T GONNA DO SHIT WITH HIS GOAL!!! 2ND HALF WAS JOKES!!! 1 PLAYER OFF SINCE THE 35TH MINUTE, AND WE DON'T DO JACK SHIT AFTER THAT?!?!? AND THAT MELON LINGARD FUCKING SHIT UP IN THE LAST MINUTE!!! GOOD GOD!
Also Atalanta and Villareal drew...
Also Atalanta and Villareal drew...
Group G (Salzburg, Sevilla, LOSC and Wolfsburg)
¿Qué carajo?
So um... Yeah. Group G is a thing.
Not only it's a thing, but it's a questionable thing. Because all 4 teams are basically doing nothing. Like absolutely nothing! LOSC and Wolfsburg drew, and Sevilla and Salzburg had a penalty shoot out. 4 penalties in total. Like what the fuck guys?
Not only were there 4 penalties in the game, but a fuckton of fouls were committed. 34 in total. Even the commentators were in a position of confusion with the events of the game. Like how do you manage to make fouls that lead to penalties in the 1st half of the game? I believe this game was rigged from the start. Cause, explain to me how this shit happened...
Not only it's a thing, but it's a questionable thing. Because all 4 teams are basically doing nothing. Like absolutely nothing! LOSC and Wolfsburg drew, and Sevilla and Salzburg had a penalty shoot out. 4 penalties in total. Like what the fuck guys?
Not only were there 4 penalties in the game, but a fuckton of fouls were committed. 34 in total. Even the commentators were in a position of confusion with the events of the game. Like how do you manage to make fouls that lead to penalties in the 1st half of the game? I believe this game was rigged from the start. Cause, explain to me how this shit happened...
Group H (Juventus, Chelsea, Zenit and Malmö)
And we're finish off the matchday with 2 teams confirming their places at the top
And to conclude the 1st matchday of the new season of the Champions League, we have "La Vecchia Signora" and "The Blues" on top of the table of their group. Granted, both teams haven't scored the same amount of goals for them to share the 1st place, with Juventus scoring 3 and Chelsea with 1 goal, they both have shown everyone that they have what it takes to be on top of their given position.
Tough luck for Zenit and Malmö however. Being pitted against strong teams is going to be hard for them. But they have guts, I tell you. They can make quick work of their opponents if all the cards fall into the right place and time, and maybe will see a spectacular match and leave us shocked after the final whistle is blown. Or maybe not?
Tough luck for Zenit and Malmö however. Being pitted against strong teams is going to be hard for them. But they have guts, I tell you. They can make quick work of their opponents if all the cards fall into the right place and time, and maybe will see a spectacular match and leave us shocked after the final whistle is blown. Or maybe not?
28 goals in total in the opening of the tournament. And sorry for the music. This was the only video I could find that contained all goals from the 1st matchday.
Final words
If this keeps up, it's gonna end up being the most bizarre season yet for the Champions League, and football in general. Sevilla and Salzburg's penalty game, City's 6-3 win over Leipzig, and THE FUCKERY THAT WAS UNITED, I believe that it's going to be yet another wild ride for us football fans. But, there is a sense of absence here. And sadly, that is all due to Arsenal not being here. As much as I joke about them being shite and performing badly, I can't say that they don't belong here. City doesn't cut it for me, despite them being a force to be reckoned with.
But enough of my rambling, I better prepare for Sunday's Premier League adventures.
But enough of my rambling, I better prepare for Sunday's Premier League adventures.
See you in 2 days,
Lord Slayer...
Lord Slayer...
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