PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHWEEK 4 REPORT

 

It's good to have the League back, boys!

The Premier League is back! After a 1 week break due to internationals, we are back to watching interesting football. Yes, I said it! But of course, with the return, we also get to see some players in their new clubs showing us that the price that was paid for them was worth it or not. And the most important question that has been on everyone's mind: Can Arsenal FC win a bloody game? You'll see this very soon. So with this brief re-introduction out of the way, it's time to start the report with our first 2 teams...

Crystal Palace vs Tottenham Hotspur

Well now. Looks like the newly formed Europa Conference League fits Spurs well

Spurs were unable to hold onto the 1st place for too long. Managing to hang there only for a week, they were crushed down by a now 11th placed Crystal Palace. Not to mention that Tottenham were down a man in the 58th minute after Tanganga received another yellow card and then being shown the doors. But that wasn't the end of it. In the 74th minute, Zaha scored from the spot to give Palace the lead, only then for Edouard to score twice in the late minutes of the game: 84th minute and 93rd minute respectively, with 2 assists for both goals. One from Zaha, and the other one from Gallagher. With a score of 3-0, Saturday was a good day for Palace and the other teams that have been waiting to surpass Spurs in the standings. Now Hotspur needs to worry about their upcoming fixture, against Rennes in the ECL, because with the form they're in, they might bottle this too...

A wonderful match and day for "The Eagles", as they trhash a weak Spurs 3-0

Arsenal vs Norwich City

You're taking the absolute piss out of me, right?

ARSENAL FC HAVE WON A GAME!!! I AM DONE WITH THIS!!! 
How did this lot manage to win? I thought that the only thing they were good at was making people laugh with their dreadful performance. Hell, there was a tweet by someone pretending to be the EFL Championship waving at Arsenal, as if they have already packed their suitcases and decided to go one tier down the English football pyramid. Unfortunately for those that wanted some nice slice of comedy, and fortunately for  "The Gunners", it ended 1-0 at the Emirates Stadium, where Aubameyang scored the only goal in the match in the 60th minute, with an assist from Pepe (kek.) The rest of the game was pretty... off. Like, Norwich gave it their all, and yet still lost to these guys, that kept conceding goals like they were the B team practicing against the main line up for a very good team. Arteta may have won this, but his fate is still in doubt...

After all that, 16th place for "The Gunners", and fuck all for "The Canaries", who are still dead last

Manchester United vs Newcastle United

Boys... I don't know how to start this one!

Emotions were reaching the sky with this one, because it was a special day for Man United fans, and for Premier League fans in general. Despite the day being, albeit a bit tragic due to the 20th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on the Twin Towers, it was also the day Cristiano Ronaldo played his first Premier League fixture after 12 years of not being here. Everyone, both United and Newcastle fans were cheering the return of the Portuguese machine, that just doesn't stop scoring. Although, Manchester United fans were, a tad bit more crazy than others. I wasn't overwhelmed with the whole Ronaldo back to United shtick, because I accepted him leaving us in 2009. Nevertheless, it was good seeing him play again. And how did he fare against his opponents? Well, it wasn't anything special... Except that he scored the first goal of the game, and the second one, and people went apeshit. Hell, the man himself overshadowed 2 wondergoals scored by Fernandes and Lingard. Their goals were way better than the ones "Big Ron" scored. Their next target is Young Boys, who will be playing today actually. Okay, saying that Young Boys is their next target sounds like United are child predators...

Big Ron stealing the show, as United beat Newcastle 4-1

We are here to win!

Leeds United vs Liverpool FC

Memorable for all the wrong reasons

Sadly, I would have to end the matchweek with a rather sad moment that happened this weekend. I'm of course talking about the nasty incident that happened during Liverpool's visit at the Elland Road. Now, despite a good 0-3 win against the home side, and 3 goals from various Liverpool players, the game ended up in the newspapers and football sites for all the wrong and horrible reasons. And it's about Struijk's awful challenge on Harvey Elliott, who decided to slide tackle him in the 58th minute. Unfortunately, that plan was thrown out of the window, as the tackle was successful, but it ended up with Pascal injuring the young Englishman badly. It was so bad that EVERYONE, both on and off the pitch ended up in tears and worry about the young footballer's injury. Thank God almighty, the 18 year old regained consciousness whilst being carried away by the Liverpool staff. Honestly, I can't talk much more about this, since that's what everyone would say about this fixture. I hope the young lad gets well soon and recovers fast, and props for Struijk stepping up to apologize for his reckless actions, and him like many others, wished Elliott a speedy recovery... I refuse to post the injury here. It was that bad. Trust me on this one.

A very eerie day for Liverpool fans, despite their win against Leeds

Klopp understandably distraught by the injury, gives his thoughts about the whole situation in this post match reflection

TABLE

Good for us since we're first, but the other 3 teams behind us are catching up quickly. Also Arsenal no longer last (makes me sad)

Week 4 is now completed! Nothing to write much about here, so expect me to strike back in 2 days, once the first matchweek of the Champions League 2021/2022 wraps up, where I will chat more shit about who did what.



See you in 2 days
Lord Slayer...