PREMIER LEAGUE MONTHLY REPORT - OCTOBER

 

20. Nottingham Forest

I don't think anyone can disagree with me on this one, but Nottingham can never go back to its glory days. The 80s are long gone, and the team is just a punching back for others to release their stress.

And then there's Liverpool... Arguably the biggest shocker of the season so far. What was supposed to be an easy game, it turned out to be a nightmare for "The Reds". During the game, Liverpool struggled like mad to even score a goal against Nottingham. Awoniyi in the 55th minute took this opportunity to put one behind the goalkeeper and win the 3 points, AND mark the second win of the season for "The Forest".

The other games were just disastrous for them. But that one win against Liverpool was the peak of this month...

It took them only ONE for the game to be WON...

19. Wolverhampton Wanderers

A pretty shitty season for the underdogs.

Tossed around like ragdolls, Wolves are in the bottom 3 for not having much to offer when attacking or counter offer when are being attacked. Unimpressive runs against West ham, Chelsea & Leicester have led the orange boys to be 19th, just 1 point above Nottingham Forest.

I mean, with a man down during the match against Brentford, you can't expect them to do shit. Oh, and they are better than "Forest" by just 1 point. Talk about sucking hard at the beautiful game...

18. Leicester City

"The Golden Foxes" are being hunted down, left and right, up & down, back and forth.

Unlike the previous two teams, Leicester managed to win games this month. BY BEATING THE TEAMS BELLOW IT! To be fair, the wins weren't half bad. Two 4-0 wins against Nottingham and Wolves boosted them to 18th place. A draw against Palace, and an impressive game against Man City, Leicester are slowly starting to wake up from their slumber and are picking up pace.

But seriously, how did the manage to lose, yet feel like formidable opponents against City?

17. Southampton

Ah yes! The tragic club. Once a prosperous team, they later got robbed by Liverpool. Ever since their players were bought off, their downfall started.

October was average for them. A win here, a draw there, and a loss... Where? Sorry. Tried to rhyme and it it came out horribly. 

Most notable games were their win against Bournemouth with 1-0, and a draw against Arsenal. The latter almost winning it near the end, but a draw was good. It was their 3rd game without a loss in a row, until they faced Crystal Palace.

Overall, pretty meh. Can do better...

A quick to the point highlight section of their draw against Arsenal... Kinda like their performance as of late...

16. Aston Villa

Just like Nottingham, Villa are also a club that are a shell of their former self. 

Terrible month for them. Defeats, red cards, managers sacked. Fucking sad really. They managed to beat Southampton 1-0 when October started, but after that, it's been L after an L after an L. Two draws at the start, then a defeat from Chelsea, AND THEN A DEFEAT FROM FULHAM THAT WAS SO BAD, STEVE G GOT SACKED AFTER THE GAME!!!

They won against Brentford though. Steven must've been furious about it...

The team's form after Steve's slip against Fulham...

15. Leeds United

Uh... What?

What am I supposed to say about a team that got fucked harder than Mia Khalifa? Should I say they enjoyed it? Begged for more? Cried for help?

They beat Liverpool 2-1 at least. 

 

No, seriously! They lost 4 games, drew 1 and won 1. AND THE BEST ONE WAS AGAINST LIVERPOOL!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

14. Bournemouth

Okay, we have a team that's interesting to say a few words.

First off, they started the month with promise. Their first game was a draw, but the next one against Leicester was a successful 2-1 win. Philip Billing and Ryan Christie made sure to cancel Daka's early goal and deny Leicester a win.

This amazing win was followed by a draw against Fulham, and defeats from Southampton and West Ham...

13. West Ham

Hold up... These guys play outside of England...

Okay. So: in the Prem, they are doing alright. Beated Wolves, Bournemouth and Fulham, drew against Southampton, and lost to two mid-tier teams

In the Europa Conference League: They are at the top with 5 wins and 0 defeats...

All in all, "The Hammers" are doing okay so far. Nothing spectacular, but nothing bad. Average is what can be used to describe their performance for the month...

12. Everton

Everton are on the same level as West Ham, except they don't play in European competitions, and they are better than them in the domestic league.

Wins against Southampton and Crystal Palace is nice. Securing wins to avoid the bottom half of the league. But losing to Spurs & Newcastle?

Come on, now! Why lose to such average teams? Thank God you didn't play and lose against Liverpool. If that were to happen, there'd be riots up the ass. Oh, and thanks for the win. We'd gladly play you again for some points in the near future

11. Brentford

You know? For a side that is actually good, October was a shit month for them.

Against Bournemouth, they drew. Versus Newcastle, they got demolished 5-1. Facing Brighton was good, as they got an easy 2-0 win. Chelsea and Aston Villa on the other hand, halted their progress. They really should've won the game against Chelsea, at the very least. 

This team is quite good. Not Top 10 material yet, but well within the range (quite literally). ""The Hornets" do not mess around", is my description for them this season.

An easy win for Brentford. Wasn't enough to keep up the spirits for the next two matches though...

10. Crystal Palace

IT'S PALACE TIME!!!

Win! Lose! Win! Draw!

That's the best way October can be described for Crystal Palace.

Leeds, Wolves & "The Saints" fell victims to "The Eagle"; whereas Chelsea & Everton managed to beat them with relative ease.

Nothing is going to be added any further...

9. Liverpool

OH, HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN!!! OH, HOW "THE REDS" HAVE SLIPPED!!!

Currently sitting at 9th, Liverpool have done nothing but flop against everything, everyone and themselves. Injuries, lack of creativity on & off the pitch, players losing their mojo... They are slowly going back to their mediocrity period of the early, to near mid 2010s.

A draw against Brighton, a humiliating defeat from Arsenal & "Forest". What madman thought that Liverpool can do good this season? I want to meet them and tell them that they suck and don't know jack shit about football

Champions League: Apart from their first defeat of the Group Stage, they did good. Finished 2nd in their group with 15 points. The goal difference is what kept them at 2nd.

Beating Manchester City was surprising, considering "The Citizens" have Haaland with them all the time...

8. Brighton

These lot are 8th. A shit month with one win and they're above Liverpool? Let that sink in...

Their first game was a 3-3 draw against Liverpool. Insane game mind you, where Brighton and Liverpool were on equal footing, but Brighton were like a tiny bit better than their opponent. A microscopic difference you might say.

And then they started losing left and right from the teams they faced. 

AND MANAGED TO BEAT CHELSEA 4-1!!! FUCKING HELL!!! That alone makes up for their shitty performance this month...

Chelsea? More like CHELSHIT!!!

7. Fulham

Ah, Fulham! I remember watching them when I was small. I think I have mentioned this before about how they remind me of the days when Premier League teams were at their peak, and watching clubs such as this one playing against the Elites was a blast. Good times!

And they make sure we relive those days. 7th place for this West London club is FANTASTIC. They are simply playing wonderful football this season. Not to mention their star Aleksandar Mitrović just slaying the goalkeepers with his finishing abilities.

As for their October campaign, it was a rough start. Their first two games finished with defeats. But after their draw against Bournemouth, they started kicking ass and chew bubble gum. Beating Steve G's Aston Villa 3-0 was a nice snack for Fulham fans and myself, since you know... Gerrard is a Scouser and all that...

As the lyrics from a song about another Serbian legend say: HE COMES FROM SERBIA AND HE'LL FUCKING MURDER YA!!!

6. Chelsea

Chelsea's October campaign in a nutshell. Champions League included...

5. Manchester United

Oh boy! Now's my time to shine...

So... We ended up getting beaten down to a pulp by Man City at the start of the month. A 6-3 defeat at the Etihad Stadium. 2 hattricks: one for Foden and the other for Haaland. Woeful display from my side. As if they were asking to get penetrated 3 times by 2 dudes.

We nearly fucked up against Everton the next game. "Sure, a 2-1 win is nothing to be proud of, but a win is a win", I hear you say. Well let me tell ya: WE ALMOST FUCKED IT ALL UP!!! But we did manage to beat an actual average club (that's somehow above us) 2-0 the next game, so there's that.

Europa League: BORING!!! Almost lost to a Cyprus club that even the country itself doesn't know exists the first time, the second match was even worse. Both ended with wins. And played boring ass football against Sheriff. We advance to the next round regardless of what we do on Thursday...

4. Newcastle

What the fuck?

Wait??? HOW ARE THEY HERE??? 

No seriously! Why are they here?

HOW ARE THESE LOT HERE?!?!?!? Also Arena Sport forgot to put highlights...

3. Tottenham Hotspur

I think that life is unfair and unjust. Prioritizing the ones who don't know anything over those that know, but get knocked down by the supposed blessed ones. Why is it that things like this exist? Why should good teams have to be punished in such a way?

I'm not talking about Spurs. I'm talking about WHY WE AREN'T IN SPURS' POSITION!

WHY ARE WE NOT 3RD?!?!?

What the actual fuck, dude! They do barely managed to scrape out alive from all their games, and yet, are still in the Top 3. This is bullshit!

Champions League: Qualified! That's all you need to know

Here! 2 for 1. Watch United's best game of the month alongside Spurs' best game of the month...

2. Manchester City

These guys have Haaland and still aren't first? 

No I do not post NSFW (Not Safe For Work) content here.

1. Arsenal

Arsenal being in 1st place be like...

They beat Liverpool. They have my respect for this at least...

So yeah... I was procrastinating WAY too much when making this report. I actually had some loss of motivation to do this. So I want to apologize for publishing this late and if it looks a bit sluggish. 

November report should be at least a bit easy to make, since the World Cup will start in a few weeks and the season will be paused for a month, giving me enough time to make a better report on it and write about the beginning of something new and fresh, all while being dragged back to the dark past...

Until next time

Ѓорѓи „GioGio“ Илиев