Since the World Cup starts this weekend, every single major league in the world is on a break until the second week of December. I won't be doing any deep dives into every match or anything like that, but rather, I would do something similar to what I did back with my Euro 2020 recap. Also, the tournament might give me some break from football and gaming, and start writing more poems or stories, or whatever I come up with. If there are 2 or more teams per column, they will be ordered according to their position in the league, like this: Team A (5th), Team B (4th), etc. This will be only if they have the same amount of points only. I do have to say, I am pretty inconsistent with my reports, but at least I stay on track with them.
I feel that despite the inconsistency, I don't fuck up my posts too much, unlike:
Wolves, Southampton & Nottingham Forest
These three clubs will be placed in one column. Their last 5 games have been trash, shit, horrible, dreadful. You name it, it was. Wolverhampton in particular have been receiving too much shit this season. Their last 5 matches ended with 1 draw and 4 FUCKING DEFEATS. I am not a fan of Wolves, but last season they were super great. What happened to them? Lack of good players? Lack of guide? Not too sure myself, but the results speak for themselves. One of their players, Raul Jimenez, is part of the Mexican squad, despite not having little to no playtime in the Prem.
I am not even gonna skip over how bad Southampton are. It's so bad that there are no news about their players, managers, or anything worth talking. November started off badly for them. It gets worse when they faced Sheffield Wednesday in EFL Cup, with a score that finished 1-1. They eventually won 6-5 on penalties, but that's not saying much. Complete catastrophe, this club is.
And then we have Nottingham Forest. 'Nuff said.
Everton & West Ham
Oh fucking boy! What do we have here. A Liverpool and a London club pulling their hairs out figuring out how to escape the Bottom 5. Unfortunately, their last 2 matches say otherwise.
Everton are a joke. There's no doubt. No need to beat around the bush about them. Frank Lampard is a legendary player, and has my respect for what he has done for Chelsea. One of England's finest. But as a manager, he is just not cut out for it. In fact, why do clubs hire former legends as managers? Why the fuck is that a thing? Worthy mention is how they lost TWICE from Bournemouth in TWO DIFFERENT COMPETITIONS: First loss was during the Third Round of the EFL Cup, which they got knocked out with the score being 4-1. Then 4 days later. YES! 4 FUCKING DAYS LATER, they lost to the same team 3-0. HOW DO YOU FUCK IT UP SO BAD?
West Ham should be ashamed of themselves. They basically have the players, but what they lack is a good manager to guide them properly. Agile and strong players ain't worth it if the leader is clueless on how to use them. Focusing on the Conference League is great, but it'd also be great if you focused on the league you come from, mister Moyes. Can't believe this twat was our manager. Actually, that explains why they are fucking horrible. Oh and lost to Blackburn Rovers in the cup. Nice! Fucking nice!
15. Leeds United
One fuck up and they drop to the Bottom 5. Leeds are hanging for dear life at the moment, but they do play at least.
Elland Road saw their side win a nail-biting 4-3 game against Bournemouth. Moreno's goal in the 3rd minute was the first early goal Leeds has scored since 2001. It was a good way to start the match, but soon, the opposition came down and scored 3 goals to temporarily shut up Leeds. Couple of minutes later (like I guess around 45 mins later or something like that), the score was tied. And then came Crysencio Jilbert Sylverio Cirro Summerville (what kind of a fucking name is this? HOLY SHIT IT'S LONG!) in the 84th minute with the milk. Leeds won it and secured the 3 points.
Meanwhile, this was Bournemouth's 2nd comeback defeat, having lost the previous one to Tottenham with a score of 2-3. Speaking of them...
Seeing a team cheering their hero after scoring a comeback goal is always awesome, but Christ! That name...
14. Bournemouth
Their November report can be found within the previous statements.
The positive side of the report was during their games against Everton, where they defeated them twice with a huge goal difference. What's interesting is that Everton has never won a game against "The Cherries" whenever they were the away side, thus making Bournemouth a thorn in Everton's sight.
The negative side are the games versus Tottenham and Leeds. Two back-to-back comeback defeats is just heartbreaking. As someone who has experienced losing games that I was winning, I can relate to "The Cherries" and their bad run against these 2 sides. But overall, they are doing fine. 1 point above Leeds, but have been the better side so far. Decent quality players, and a manager that knows what he's doing, the team can end up either being the team that introduces the Top 10, or be in a higher position of the Top 10. Anyways, here are their highlights of them demolishing Everton:
Shieeeet, son! You just can't pop this cherry. It's too strong to be popped 😉
13. Leicester City
"The Foxes" are redeeming themselves. Each game is an improvement for the team's morale, chemistry and quality. From a slow and bad start, to a decent revival that finds them situated at the #13 spot on the table. The Top 10 is so close for them. They can come back to the top half with the others, I just know it.
Regarding their games in November, they were fantastic. With ease they managed to beat Everton and West Ham. Both matches ending with the score 2-0. They were like disgusting freeloaders, marching into someone's home, causing chaos, not clean up their mess, refusing to elaborate on why they did the things they did, and then leave without saying a word. You know what they say: It's a 2 win streak. 2 = V(ictory)...
That joke was shit honestly, just watch their highlights, please:
12. Aston Villa
Since the sacking of Gerrard, Villa has been on a decent run. Their results vary, but not their performance.
And November was quite the month for them: beating Brighton and Man United were no easy feat. Actually, who am I fooling. It was an easy task. They destroyed our asses the moment the game started, and made Brighton look like a League 1 side.
A lot of the praise for the team goes not only to the manager, but the players too! Having the team play as an actual team is great. Couthino, Young & Mings are great, but they're even better when they and the rest work as one. Who knows what will happen to do if they continue this good run. But for now, they should feel contempt and optimistic for future games.
1-2 may have been the score, but Villa's play was something else...
Crystal Palace, Brentford & Fulham
We have a 3 way tie with teams that have 19 points each. The only difference is the goal difference. And how their matches finished of course.
Palace made quick work of West Ham in their 1-2 win, with goals from Zaha & Olise. And then a disappointing loss against Nottingham Forest with 1-0.
BRENTFORD BEAT FUCKING CITY!!!
Unlucky run for Fulham. November just wasn't on their side. Lost both times from the Manchester teams. First from City, with a score of 2-1, and whose team had a man down. That was Cancelo, who had to leave the pitch in the 26th minute due to a red card. Then they lost to Man United at home, with the same score. Garnacho made a name for himself, because he became the league's youngest 90th minute winner, at the age of 18 years and 135 days.
Honestly this is the only highlights reel worth watching...
Chelsea & Brighton
I'll use a quote that I like to write down a lot when reporting on something that was bad or humiliating. These words of wisdom were, unironically, used by an Indian Chelsea supporter: “There is no PASSION, there is no VISION, there is no AGGRESSION, there is no FUCKING MINDSET in this hockey club. NOTHING is there. WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS FOOTBALL CLUB? Tell me now. WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS FOOTBALL CLUB”. They progressed in the Champions League at least.
As for Brighton, they narrowly escaped defeat at the hands of Wolves. With the score of 2-3, this Seagull avoided being eaten by the hungry and weary Wolf. Outsmarting it was its only chance for survival. And would you believe it? It fucking worked! Now they're 7th, above Chelsea, and breathing down on the team that occupies the #6 spot on the table. That team being...
6. Liverpool
It's surreal seeing Liverpool out of the Top 5. Like I'm watching the early 2010s all over again. Klopp coming up with excuses as to why they lose matches, losing players due to injuries, fuck all starting XIs, 0 IQ tactics, non-existent defending.
And these Scouse bastards made me feel worried that they will dominate English football? What a joke! 2 years ago they were unstoppable. Now they can't touch the ball, even if their lives depended on it. Only salvageable thing they have done thus far is advancing in Round of 16 in the Champions League. Not even their wins against Spurs & Southampton are worth showing, because of how terrible their game plan was during those 2 games. Same goes for their CL games. How are they 6th? I'll tell you how:
5. Manchester United
ANOMALY: noun [ Countable or Uncountable ] - a person or thing that is different from what is usual, or not in agreement with something else and therefore not satisfactory:
- Statistical anomalies can make it difficult to compare economic data from one year to the next.
- The anomaly of the social security system is that you sometimes have more money without a job.
- Manchester United, despite having yet another terrible season, and having their personal problems with Ronaldo become public, they are 5th on the table
Big congrats on Garnacho's feat. Keep up the great work, son!
Actually, hold up!
Manchester United, Spurs, Newcastle, Manchester City & Arsenal
ANOMALY: noun [ Countable or Uncountable ] - a person or thing that is different from what is usual, or not in agreement with something else and therefore not satisfactory:
- Statistical anomalies can make it difficult to compare economic data from one year to the next.
- The anomaly of the social security system is that you sometimes have more money without a job.
- Manchester United, despite having yet another terrible season, and having their personal problems with Ronaldo become public, they are 5th on the table
- Spurs, despite eating shit during November, and a draw against Sporting Lisbon in the Champions League, they are 4th on the table
- Newcastle, just being in the Top 3 is an anomaly in itself
- Manchester City, were doing great. Fantastic even. And then they encountered Brentofrd and fucked it all up. 2nd place behind the leaders, with their chances of overtaking them reduced to 55%.
- Arsenal. HOW ARE THESE TWATS STILL 1st!?!?!?!?!?!?
How is this team still in 1st place? Are they actually going to win the fucking title? To be honest, I would kind of like that. Would be a nice change of champion, because all we've had was City for the last 10 or so years being dominant all the time
AND I AM DONE!!! I feel like this time around, the report I have written is much better than the previous one for October. Sure I still did shortcuts to save time, but after carefully analyzing each and every team, their current standings and positions, some of these quirky and funny changes had to be made. Especially regarding the Top 5, as the standing for those teams are some of the most baffling shit I've ever seen in my life. NEWCASTLE AT 3rd? US AT 5th WITH THE SHIT WE'RE DEALING WITH RIGHT NOW???? It's ridiculous.
But anyways, football reports will take a break from tomorrow up until the final day of the World Cup. In the meantime, I'll be writing the usual poems & stories, to fill the gap and distance myself from repeating the things I did last year, which were mostly reports and... Reports, really.
Anyways, I'm off. See ya after the World Cup, everyone!
Developer: Ryu Ga Gotoku Publisher: Sega Series: Yakuza Release date: February 26, 2009 (Japan), March 2009 (Rest of World) Platforms: PS3, PS4, Xbox One, PC Genres and Modes: Single player
The Dragon of Dojima... Accepting his fate... The time for his ascension to the status of Eastern God is NOW!!!
The entry that TRULLY changed everything. Released during the new generation of consoles at the time (when the PlayStation 3 and the Xbox 360 were still brand new), Ryu Ga Gotoku Studios took their shot to expand the franchise that they created back in 2005. The PS2 hardware limited the developers and their ambition to make the game they wanted since day 1. PS3 allowed them to do just that. Bigger worlds, more interactions between characters, the ability to do more complex things during and off fights, to see Kamurocho from Kiryu's very own eyes. 2009 was the year of all time. But we're in 2022. The game got remastered for modern hardware and PC, and I finally managed to beat this beautiful game a few months back. The only reason why I didn't make a review on it as soon as I finished it was because I played the rest of the games. That was it. Their reviews will come soon, and once I'm done with the Yakuza games, I'll start reviewing other video games. Brief intro aside, let's dive in to the review. Or as Kiryu would always say before a big fight: "If you are ready to die, THEN STEP UP!!!"
PLOT
2007 - It's been 3 months since that faithful fight against the Dragon of Kansai. Ryuji Goda! What a man. Never in all the years will we see a man that wanted to beat his rival fair and square. And in the end, Kiryu became THE Dragon of Dragons. With the fight left behind, and after a brief visit to pay their respects, Kiryu kazuma and his adoptive daughter Haruka Sawamura head to Kamurocho to say goodbye to everyone there. For Kiryu has decided to actually start living a peaceful and normal life. In the sunny beaches at Okinawa, in an orphanage...
Okinawa... Where the sun always shines, the neighbours always nice, and the children of the Morning Glory Orphanage forever cheerful...
2008 - The peaceful life of Kiryu, Haruka, and the others in the orphanage was never meant to last for long. Trouble found them in the form of the Ryuodo Family, Okinawa's #1 yakuza. However, all of the events in 2008 ended in a positive note, as Kiryu's love, care and desire to protect the children he swore to raise made the family change their minds. On top of that, they were assisted by the Dragon of Dojima to rescue the daughter of the patriarch of the Ryuodo Family from their rival, the Tamashira family. To say that Kiryu kicked ass is an understatement. He may be a scary looking dude, but deep down, he's a proper father...
Captain of the Ryuodo Family, Rikiya Shimabukuro, Okinawa's Viper
The patriarch of the Ryuodo Family, Shigeru Nakahara, Okinawa's Shisa*
2009 - Peace was once again restored. Kiryu can now continue to look after his children with the help of his new friends. His days spent cleaning the home, helping the little ones with their homework, play with them, and overall him being a dad are just precious. But then, as it is tradition, something bad must happen. And something bad happened it did! The Sixth Chairman of the Tojo Clan, Daigo Dojima, has been gravely injured by none other than Kiryu Kazuma's deceased father-figure, Shintaro Kazama. However, Kiryu is in doubt that his idol would do such a thing. On top of that, foreign forces try to force Kiryu and the kids to find another place to live. With no other option on his deck, he decides to return to Kamurocho and discover the reason behind the murder of Dojima, the desparate attempts to force them out of Okinawa, and just be done with all of the negativity in general...
At this point, Kiryu just HATES this place. Everything bad that has happened to him in his life has happened here. Also Tenkaichi street looks kinda... Ominous with those PS3 graphics
GAMEPLAY
Ah, Kamurocho! You never change, do you? Punks, yakuza, gangsters. What's next? Zombies?
Before I explain how the gameplay of this game works, I'd like to take a minute to talk about something I skipped over when I reviewed Yakuza Kiwami & Yakuza Kiwami 2:
The original 2 games played completely different from their remake counterparts. The remakes have the camera locked behind the player and follows them around town, with the option to go into First Person mode to look for items that are normally not found on the streets or easily accessible areas. Yakuza 1 & 2 have "fixed" cameras, that show a specific part of the area when a player is around said part of the city. You couldn't go into first person mode, and you had the whole area visible to you. Some parts of Kamurocho and Sotenbori (Yakuza 2 only) were inaccessible due to these limitations.
Not the best of examples, but this is the difference between the games.
The gameplay of Yakuza doesn't feel too different from the previous games, but it feels odd when you play it after finishing Kiwami and Kiwami 2. At this point, the player should be aware that the fighting styles from 0 are gone, and he only uses his signature Dragon of Dojima fighting style. You punch, kick, grab & throw, stab, shoot, and do things to opponents. Thankfully, they never die because Kiryu doesn't kill. It's all made out of rubber.
The new feature that Yakuza 3 introduces is the Red Heat. The heat is just as iconic as the series itself. Once a character starts emitting aura of any colour, you know you're in for some good time. Red Heat actually makes Kiryu's attacks stronger and faster, and can be super useful when doing an extended Heat Move that requires the player to use more of the Heat gauge.
Another part of the Heat game in this... game? Is the Heat finishers. Similar to Kiwami's "Kiwami Moves", the player is given an opportunity to finish off an opponent with a super stylish move. Granted, the finishers can end the fight quickly, but sometimes they will lower the health enough so that the player can beat the enemy with ease.
The upgrade system looks... Simple? What?
The screenshot above says it all. The upgrade system in 3 is the closest thing to experiencing the PS2 days of Yakuza. You gain experience by doing substories, continue with the plot, eat at restaurants, get wasted, catch fish, date hostesses. You know, the usual Yakuza shtick.
That's right! The first appearance of the fishing minigame is here. And it's a lot more difficult than the later entries. Still fun however...
Before further explaining 2 specific side stories of the game, I'd like to introduce CHASE! Basically, it all boils down to chasing an enemy and catch them by tackling them whilst avoiding obstacles along the way. There's also Chases where you are the one being hunted down and you must escape. If caught, press the indicated button to shake off your pursuers and continue running. Should your stamina meter reach 0, you either lose the target (if you chase) or get caught (if chased). Meaning it's game over and try from the last save that you saved. You did save before the chase, right?
Kickass music during a frustrating chase. Credit goes to devilleon7.
HONEST LIVING ASSOCIATION
The lore expands...
Like previous titles, this one is no stranger when it comes to having side stories that impact the main story.
The main plot of this sidestory is tied with a man that has played a major role in Kiryu's life during his time at the Tojo Clan. Osamu Kashiwagi, captain of the Kazama Family, subsidiary of the Tojo clan, had this place up and running in the background for some time now. The association aims to help yakuza that got the boot or simply quit due to the harsh lifestyle. His right hand man, Ibuki, is one of those people. They work together to guide ex-criminals into the world of civilians. But as of late, they've been under a lot of pressure from a gang called "The Reapers", causing all sorts of trouble for H.L.A.
Now what does Kiryu have to do with any of this? Well... He's there to help them out, of course.
Main element of this side of the game is: Check on the bulletin board if there are any missions available, and when selected, you have to go to the place marked on the map, beat up said target, and you'll have them sent to H.L.A for rehabilitation. The rewards are pretty good. You get money and items.
It has its own twist and end, but that's a spoiler. You gotta find out for yourself how it ends, and how it ties to Kiryu's character as a whole.
PRODUCE #1 HOSTESS
It's like the Cabaret Club minigame, but more tedious and not so fun...
So uh. Yeah. These are the origins of the independent Cabaret Club owner. Instead of managing the entire club, you focus on the girls. You have to dress them, train them, give them space to breathe, relax and calm down if they're under pressure.
This was all present in Yakuza 0 and Kiwami 2, but here... IT'S SUPER AWKWARD AND ANNOYING!!!
You have to observe what they're doing at all time, and appeal to what the customers want from a girl. If you don't do well, you won't earn money for the day to improve your girl's game. And the money doesn't come from YOUR pocket, but rather, it comes from the money you EARN through this sidestory.
it gets worse however. Compared to 0 or Kiwami 2, there were no consequences for failing to satisfy a customer. Here, if you don't do things accordingly, you are doomed.
Oh and by the way, THIS IS JUST TO COMPLETE A SUBSTORY!!! This whole sidestory IS A SUBSTORY, unlike H.L.A., which is a proper sidestory.
REVELATIONS
This feels a bit familiar...
POSSIBLY ONE OF THE BEST PARTS OF THIS GAME!
Basically, Revelations are in a way, a creative method of acquiring new abilities for Kiryu. Throughout the worlds of Okinawa and Kamurocho, weird stuff will happen, and you'll be required to pay attention on what's going on. Choose the right title for an event, and you'll find a REVELATION in said event. Choose wrong, and you'll fail. But don't worry, you get a second shot.
I bet his motto is: "If you are ready to die, THEN STEP UP!!!"
GALLERY
FINAL THOUGHTS
There's not a whole lot on what to talk about the game. It looks different, yes, and plays different, but at the core, it's still Yakuza. What boils down to is how you react to it: - If you're a newcomer that has started with 0, you'll find the game weird, clunky and probably want to skip it cause of that.
- If you're a veteran of the series, then this game holds a special place in your heart, despite it's janky feel.
Yakuza 3 as a whole is a game that can be labeled as "experience", rather than a game. It's still a video game, but the joy comes from the time you've spent playing the story, its characters, Kiryu's "dad vibes"... Simply put, this is a game that is mechanically flawed, with said mechanics laying the foundation for later titles, with a story that's more personal than any other in the series (rivaled only by 6).
I am the former, started the games from 0. And I am one of those rare people that actually enjoyed this game. It felt like a fresh new start for me. As if I have started riding a bike without the training wheels. I left the popular bubble and started my journey onto becoming a legend in the yakuza world...
TRIVIA
- Yakuza 3 is the first mainline game on the PS3, but Ryu Ga Gotoku Kenzan! ( 龍が如く 見参！, "Like a Dragon Arrives!") was the first Yakuza-esque game the studio has made, which released in 2008. - The game is notorious for having the enemies constantly blocking your attacks. This gets worse if you play on the harder difficulties.
- The Remastered version of Yakuza 3 has its substories revealed on the map, unlike the original, which were not marked on the pause menu map. Some say it's easy for players to do the silly stories and get exp., some say it's bad.
- Yakuza 3 is the last game in the series where Kiryu and Majima fight one another. It is also the first time in the series (prior to 0) where Majima fights barehanded..
- Certain minigames were removed when the game was released overseas. One of these was a trivia game. It was removed because: 1. People outside of Japan might not know much about some of the things and jokes. 2. Said minigame was removed in the Remastered version on an international level, due to he questions & answers being outdated.
- Kiryu Kazuma's appearance in this game closely resembles his voice actor, Takaya Kuroda. It's slightly modified though.
- Seeing Kiryu with kids is just too wholesome 😊
- *Shisa (シーサー, Shīsā, Okinawan: shiisaa) is a traditional Ryukyuan cultural artifact and decoration derived from Chinese guardian lions, often seen in similar pairs, resembling a cross between a lion and a dog, from Okinawan mythology. Shisa are wards, believed to protect from some evils. People place pairs of shisa on their rooftops or flanking the gates to their houses, with the left shisa traditionally having a closed mouth, the right one an open mouth. The open mouth shisa traditionally wards off evil spirits, and the closed mouth shisa keeps good spirits in.
Credits: Norman Packernickle
Next game review will be about Yakuza 4, but it won't take that long for me to write it. I promise that once I clear out all 7 Yakuza games, I'll start reviewing other games. But trust me: These games are ONE OF THE BEST in existence! I still thank my friend for introducing me to them...
The 4 Eastern Gods are a patient bunch. But not so patient when it comes to busting skulls, singing karaoke or dating hostesses...
I don't think anyone can disagree with me on this one, but Nottingham can never go back to its glory days. The 80s are long gone, and the team is just a punching back for others to release their stress.
And then there's Liverpool... Arguably the biggest shocker of the season so far. What was supposed to be an easy game, it turned out to be a nightmare for "The Reds". During the game, Liverpool struggled like mad to even score a goal against Nottingham. Awoniyi in the 55th minute took this opportunity to put one behind the goalkeeper and win the 3 points, AND mark the second win of the season for "The Forest".
The other games were just disastrous for them. But that one win against Liverpool was the peak of this month...
It took them only ONE for the game to be WON...
19. Wolverhampton Wanderers
A pretty shitty season for the underdogs.
Tossed around like ragdolls, Wolves are in the bottom 3 for not having much to offer when attacking or counter offer when are being attacked. Unimpressive runs against West ham, Chelsea & Leicester have led the orange boys to be 19th, just 1 point above Nottingham Forest.
I mean, with a man down during the match against Brentford, you can't expect them to do shit. Oh, and they are better than "Forest" by just 1 point. Talk about sucking hard at the beautiful game...
18. Leicester City
"The Golden Foxes" are being hunted down, left and right, up & down, back and forth.
Unlike the previous two teams, Leicester managed to win games this month. BY BEATING THE TEAMS BELLOW IT! To be fair, the wins weren't half bad. Two 4-0 wins against Nottingham and Wolves boosted them to 18th place. A draw against Palace, and an impressive game against Man City, Leicester are slowly starting to wake up from their slumber and are picking up pace.
But seriously, how did the manage to lose, yet feel like formidable opponents against City?
17. Southampton
Ah yes! The tragic club. Once a prosperous team, they later got robbed by Liverpool. Ever since their players were bought off, their downfall started.
October was average for them. A win here, a draw there, and a loss... Where? Sorry. Tried to rhyme and it it came out horribly.
Most notable games were their win against Bournemouth with 1-0, and a draw against Arsenal. The latter almost winning it near the end, but a draw was good. It was their 3rd game without a loss in a row, until they faced Crystal Palace.
Overall, pretty meh. Can do better...
A quick to the point highlight section of their draw against Arsenal... Kinda like their performance as of late...
16. Aston Villa
Just like Nottingham, Villa are also a club that are a shell of their former self.
Terrible month for them. Defeats, red cards, managers sacked. Fucking sad really. They managed to beat Southampton 1-0 when October started, but after that, it's been L after an L after an L. Two draws at the start, then a defeat from Chelsea, AND THEN A DEFEAT FROM FULHAM THAT WAS SO BAD, STEVE G GOT SACKED AFTER THE GAME!!!
They won against Brentford though. Steven must've been furious about it...
The team's form after Steve's slip against Fulham...
15. Leeds United
Uh... What?
What am I supposed to say about a team that got fucked harder than Mia Khalifa? Should I say they enjoyed it? Begged for more? Cried for help?
They beat Liverpool 2-1 at least.
No, seriously! They lost 4 games, drew 1 and won 1. AND THE BEST ONE WAS AGAINST LIVERPOOL!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
14. Bournemouth
Okay, we have a team that's interesting to say a few words.
First off, they started the month with promise. Their first game was a draw, but the next one against Leicester was a successful 2-1 win. Philip Billing and Ryan Christie made sure to cancel Daka's early goal and deny Leicester a win.
This amazing win was followed by a draw against Fulham, and defeats from Southampton and West Ham...
13. West Ham
Hold up... These guys play outside of England...
Okay. So: in the Prem, they are doing alright. Beated Wolves, Bournemouth and Fulham, drew against Southampton, and lost to two mid-tier teams
In the Europa Conference League: They are at the top with 5 wins and 0 defeats...
All in all, "The Hammers" are doing okay so far. Nothing spectacular, but nothing bad. Average is what can be used to describe their performance for the month...
12. Everton
Everton are on the same level as West Ham, except they don't play in European competitions, and they are better than them in the domestic league.
Wins against Southampton and Crystal Palace is nice. Securing wins to avoid the bottom half of the league. But losing to Spurs & Newcastle?
Come on, now! Why lose to such average teams? Thank God you didn't play and lose against Liverpool. If that were to happen, there'd be riots up the ass. Oh, and thanks for the win. We'd gladly play you again for some points in the near future
11. Brentford
You know? For a side that is actually good, October was a shit month for them.
Against Bournemouth, they drew. Versus Newcastle, they got demolished 5-1. Facing Brighton was good, as they got an easy 2-0 win. Chelsea and Aston Villa on the other hand, halted their progress. They really should've won the game against Chelsea, at the very least.
This team is quite good. Not Top 10 material yet, but well within the range (quite literally). ""The Hornets" do not mess around", is my description for them this season.
An easy win for Brentford. Wasn't enough to keep up the spirits for the next two matches though...
10. Crystal Palace
IT'S PALACE TIME!!!
Win! Lose! Win! Draw!
That's the best way October can be described for Crystal Palace.
Leeds, Wolves & "The Saints" fell victims to "The Eagle"; whereas Chelsea & Everton managed to beat them with relative ease.
Nothing is going to be added any further...
9. Liverpool
OH, HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN!!! OH, HOW "THE REDS" HAVE SLIPPED!!!
Currently sitting at 9th, Liverpool have done nothing but flop against everything, everyone and themselves. Injuries, lack of creativity on & off the pitch, players losing their mojo... They are slowly going back to their mediocrity period of the early, to near mid 2010s.
A draw against Brighton, a humiliating defeat from Arsenal & "Forest". What madman thought that Liverpool can do good this season? I want to meet them and tell them that they suck and don't know jack shit about football
Champions League: Apart from their first defeat of the Group Stage, they did good. Finished 2nd in their group with 15 points. The goal difference is what kept them at 2nd.
Beating Manchester City was surprising, considering "The Citizens" have Haaland with them all the time...
8. Brighton
These lot are 8th. A shit month with one win and they're above Liverpool? Let that sink in...
Their first game was a 3-3 draw against Liverpool. Insane game mind you, where Brighton and Liverpool were on equal footing, but Brighton were like a tiny bit better than their opponent. A microscopic difference you might say.
And then they started losing left and right from the teams they faced.
AND MANAGED TO BEAT CHELSEA 4-1!!! FUCKING HELL!!! That alone makes up for their shitty performance this month...
Chelsea? More like CHELSHIT!!!
7. Fulham
Ah, Fulham! I remember watching them when I was small. I think I have mentioned this before about how they remind me of the days when Premier League teams were at their peak, and watching clubs such as this one playing against the Elites was a blast. Good times!
And they make sure we relive those days. 7th place for this West London club is FANTASTIC. They are simply playing wonderful football this season. Not to mention their star Aleksandar Mitrović just slaying the goalkeepers with his finishing abilities.
As for their October campaign, it was a rough start. Their first two games finished with defeats. But after their draw against Bournemouth, they started kicking ass and chew bubble gum. Beating Steve G's Aston Villa 3-0 was a nice snack for Fulham fans and myself, since you know... Gerrard is a Scouser and all that...
As the lyrics from a song about another Serbian legend say: HE COMES FROM SERBIA AND HE'LL FUCKING MURDER YA!!!
6. Chelsea
Chelsea's October campaign in a nutshell. Champions League included...
5. Manchester United
Oh boy! Now's my time to shine...
So... We ended up getting beaten down to a pulp by Man City at the start of the month. A 6-3 defeat at the Etihad Stadium. 2 hattricks: one for Foden and the other for Haaland. Woeful display from my side. As if they were asking to get penetrated 3 times by 2 dudes.
We nearly fucked up against Everton the next game. "Sure, a 2-1 win is nothing to be proud of, but a win is a win", I hear you say. Well let me tell ya: WE ALMOST FUCKED IT ALL UP!!! But we did manage to beat an actual average club (that's somehow above us) 2-0 the next game, so there's that.
Europa League: BORING!!! Almost lost to a Cyprus club that even the country itself doesn't know exists the first time, the second match was even worse. Both ended with wins. And played boring ass football against Sheriff. We advance to the next round regardless of what we do on Thursday...
4. Newcastle
What the fuck?
Wait??? HOW ARE THEY HERE???
No seriously! Why are they here?
HOW ARE THESE LOT HERE?!?!?!? Also Arena Sport forgot to put highlights...
3. Tottenham Hotspur
I think that life is unfair and unjust. Prioritizing the ones who don't know anything over those that know, but get knocked down by the supposed blessed ones. Why is it that things like this exist? Why should good teams have to be punished in such a way?
I'm not talking about Spurs. I'm talking about WHY WE AREN'T IN SPURS' POSITION!
WHY ARE WE NOT 3RD?!?!?
What the actual fuck, dude! They do barely managed to scrape out alive from all their games, and yet, are still in the Top 3. This is bullshit!
Champions League: Qualified! That's all you need to know
Here! 2 for 1. Watch United's best game of the month alongside Spurs' best game of the month...
2. Manchester City
These guys have Haaland and still aren't first?
No I do not post NSFW (Not Safe For Work) content here.
1. Arsenal
Arsenal being in 1st place be like...
They beat Liverpool. They have my respect for this at least...
So yeah... I was procrastinating WAY too much when making this report. I actually had some loss of motivation to do this. So I want to apologize for publishing this late and if it looks a bit sluggish.
November report should be at least a bit easy to make, since the World Cup will start in a few weeks and the season will be paused for a month, giving me enough time to make a better report on it and write about the beginning of something new and fresh, all while being dragged back to the dark past...
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