PREMIER LEAGUE MONTHLY REPORT - AUGUST

 

GUESS WHO'S BACK!!!

BACK AGAIN!!!

I AM BACK!!!

BACK TO WORK!!!

Jokes aside, it's good to be back to writing. Cannot wait to post more about football, games, poems, stories, and whatever the hell I come up with in the near future. 

The main reason for my absence were exams and the lack of a widescreen monitor. The first one is self explanatory, but for the latter, it's because I got used to a widescreen monitor (gaming, working, writing) that I just couldn't use the blog for writing on a small & squared one. Also the snapshots that I wanted to take from games, needed to be on a widescreen monitor so they can look good. Same goes for capturing footage.

But now armed with a big boi monitor, and with no exams left (for now), I can finally start writing after a near 2 month hiatus/break. And what better way to celebrate my own return than with a football analysis report that is pretty much 10 DAYS LATE FROM IT'S INITAL PLANNED RELEASE DATE!

To explain it better: I will be covering the Premier League only through monthly reports. Champions League, Europa League and that other UEFA Competition will only be briefly mentioned for the teams competing in them, like for example: mentioning the performance of, I dunno, Man City in the Champions League, alongside their performance in the League. This method of reports will be used to give myself a break from writing only about football, whilst giving me more creative freedom for other writings.

And now, we start off with the report. They will follow an alphabetical order, rather than league standing order...

Arsenal FC

League position: 1st (5 wins; 0 draws; 1 defeat)

Points: 15

North London's biggest pride and joy is currently at the top of the league with 15 points and an overall good score in their last 6 matches. They had 5 consecutive wins in a row, starting from August 5th to August 31st.

Regarding their game plan, lots & lots of possessive play whilst pressing down on their opponents during attacks. Their defense has also been quite good, that so far, they have conceded only 7 goals in 6 matches. 

For their players, I think everyone is fantastic. It's hard to single out a footballer that has had a big impact on the team, but if I were to pick someone, it'd be Granit Xhaka. He's been on fire ever since he joined Arsenal, and that current form of his confirms it. Alongside him, Gabriel Jesus, who they snatched away from City and is doing wonders for "The Gunners".

Overall, Arsenal are at the top thanks to their newly found spirit, which is keeping the players, staff and fans happy and optimistic about the future of the club.

Personal favourite highlight of their August session is the match vs. Leicester City:

Manchester City

League position: 2nd (4 wins; 2 draws; 0 defeats)

Points: 14

The current best club in England and dominant force in Manchester, we have "The Citizens" in 2nd place at the moment. With 14 points in total, and breathing down Arsenal's neck like psychopaths, they are really close from reaching the top and stay there for the remainder of the season. Or slip down and find themselves even lower.

Their game plan, needs no explanation. Fast paced destructive attack combined with tank solid immovable defence. Plus they got fucking Erling Haaland.

But enough about the team, and more about how they are 2nd and not 1st. Their 2 draws against Newcastle and Aston Villa were shocking. Both teams are outside of the Top 10, with Aston Villa being 17th in the League, and yet, City struggled with both. They made a heroic comeback against Newcastle, and fucked it up against Villa.

Cracks in the structure of the team are noticeable, but this may last only during the early stages of the season.

The draw against Villa is the one that is quite memorable from August (and also because they didn't win with an outrageous goal difference, like they usually do):

 

Tottenham Hotspur

Position: 3rd (4 wins; 2 draws; 0 defeats)

Points: 14

Spurs are here. Hooray!
Don't know what to write for them to be quite honest. They just show up in the top 5 all the time, but don't bring out something big out of me and many others. We're wondering how they even end up here all the time.

Players that are important to them: Kane & Son.

Seriously what the fuck should I explain or report about this team? Only thing that's worth mentioning is their intense game against Chelsea on August 14th, which ended in a draw, with an injury time goal from Harry Kane, which left Chelsea and its players complain to the referee about it. The handshake between the managers was also part as to why that match was so memorable, and will be the highlight of their August campaign in this report:

Quite the handshake there...

Brighton Hove & Albion

Position: 3rd (4 wins; 1 draw; 1 defeat)

Points: 13

How did these folks get here? I'll tell you how: They played so well in the opening month that their current position is well earned.

A rather unpredictable bunch that kept scoring goals and won games, even when the odds were against them. They beat Man United in the opening day of the season, clapped Leeds and sent West Ham home crying.

The entire team deserves praise for their work and determination to go against their opponents, even with all cards stacked against them. Hell ,they've conceded just 5 goals! FIVE!!!

Will this current form last, or will they drop points and drop out from the Top 5, or maybe even the Top 10? Who knows.

Anyway, here are the highlights of them clapping Manchester United's ass cheeks like it's Tuesday:

Manchester United

Position: 5th (4 wins; 0 draws; 2 defeats)

Points: 12

I really did not expect us to do well. I was expecting to finish August at the bottom, so I can have a rant about the team. But no, they told me & everyone else to fuck off and shove something up our arses, BECAUSE UNITED FUCKED SHIT UP IN AUGUST!!! After getting destroyed 2 times that is.

Getting clapped by Brighton, followed by Brentford wasn't easy to watch. Nor read the comments from experts and fans afterwards.
BUT BOY DID WE PICK UP OUR SHIT AND BEAT LIVERPOOL SO HARD, WE STARTED WINNING GAMES!!!

A win against Liverpool, followed by a win against Southampton (and then Leicester and Arsenal, but that's September), made the team and its fans, smile like newborns.

And before you wonder, yes! The Liverpool highlights will be shown as the team's highlights of the month. Let's just hope we carry this form throughout the season:

Chelsea FC

Position: 6th (3 wins; 1 draw; 2 losses)
Points: 10

So yeah. Chelsea. They are trash now all of the sudden.
Overall, a poor start from "The Blues". Losing touches & possession every 10 seconds. Terrible defending, no creative play, no attack whatsoever. Defeats from Leeds United & Southampton was bad enough, but that 2-2 draw with Tottenham was embarrassing. The team lacks a lot of character and morale at the minute.

Not to mention, they've had 2 games during August where they were down to 10 men. And out of those two, they won 1 game only. Pretty shitty stuff.

Just check out the derby match against Spurs for their highlight of August...

Liverpool FC & Brentford
Positions: 7th & 8th (2 wins; 3 draws; 1 defeat)
Points: 9

Sometimes, if teams have the same amount of points, I'll combine the two together, to avoid writing walls of words, plus keep the report minimal, yet informative.

Liverpool started the season with terrible results. 2 draws, 1 loss and 2 wins was bad for them in August. Their first game against Fulham wasn't really good, but their game against Crystal Palace was shocking, as not only they ended with a draw, but Darwin Núñez received a red card in the 57th minute. Their only saving grace was their total domination over AFC Bournemouth, with a score of 9-0.

Meanwhile, Brentford are a tricky lot. A decent start of the season, despite having way too many draws, boosted their placement in the League up to 8th. Not to mention they scored 4 FUCKING GOALS AGAINST US!!! So yeah. Brentford are a team that is off a good start. Definitely not a side that might end up in the Top 5, but should they play like this more often, they can end up in the Top 10 by the end of the season. At least 7th place won't be that bad for them.

Leeds United & Fulham
Positions: 9th & 10th (2 wins; 2 draws; 2 defeats)

Points: 8

Leeds & Fulham in the opening month of the Premier League started off relatively average. Their opening games were okay at best, same for their defeats and draws. To put it simply, nothing to write home about.

There are exceptions however. Leeds stunned Chelsea with a 3-0 win on August 21st. The game was more of a practice match for them rather than a matchweek.

And Fulham, who just got into the Prem, stunned Liverpool with a 2-2 draw at the start of the season. The club's favourite Aleksandar Mitrović was the obstacle that "The Merseyside Reds" couldn't go through and win their game. Speaking of him, he's actually a really good player. Definitely others should watch out for. He can end up ruining your day if you're not careful with your defending...

 

Newcastle United, Southampton & Bournemouth
Positions: 11th (1 win; 4 draws; 3 defeats) , 12th & 13th (2 wins; 1 draw; 3 defeats)

Points: 7

This is the part of the table that any writing or mention won't save the teams from shining in the light, whether it'd be a strong or a weak side. The teams bellow the Top 10 can only be described as "okay to average", with some slight hopes of breaking into the top half of the League.

Newcastle, Southampton and Bournemouth are the perfect representatives for this season's introduction of the Bottom 10.

Newcastle's only noteworthy performance was their 3-3 draw against Manchester City on August 21st, where they denied their opponents and easy win. Other than that, I have nothing else to say. Being bought ought by a rich prince doesn't mean that they are now a powerhouse club. Nor are they a weak side. Just average.

Southampton have been going Downtown South for the last couple of years, thanks to Liverpool buying off all their talent. But hey! At least they embarrassed Chelsea with a 2-1 win. That's gotta be something, right?

And then there's Bournemouth... Uh... NEIN?

Wolverhampton & Crystal Palace

Positions: 14th & 15th (1 win; 3 draws; 2 defeats)

Points: 6

Well shit. I am running out of what to say about the teams now.

Wolves are off a disappointing start. Not something I would expect from an underdog club, or in this case, an "underwolf" club to do at the beginning of the season. Their first win was in September, so there's no way I can say they had an okay start of the season. Spurs & Bournemouth defeated them with 1-0 & 2-1 scores, and the rest were draws. For a club that has surprised me the last season or two with good matches to drop points and positions like this? I'm giving the benefit of the doubt that they will bounce back somehow, but not by much.

Palace on the other hand, had an actual rough start of the season. Arsenal, Liverpool, City? No chance in hell a team like Palace is beating those three. BUT, a draw doesn't have to mean it was a defeat. Their 1-1 draw against "The Scousers" was a surprise. But then again, Núñez was sent off in said game and may have boosted Crystal's morale and hope to score a goal and just ruin Liverpool's chance of winning.

Either way. Shitty start = Shitty positions

Everton, Aston Villa, West Ham, Nottingham Forest & Leicester

Positions: 16th (0 wins; 4 draws; 2 defeats), 17th, 18th, 19th (1 win; 1 draw; 4 defeats) & 20th (0 wins; 1 draw; 5 defeats)

Points: 16th-19th (4); 20th (1)

They're all in the bin, lads. Can't lie to you. 
Everton suck ass, Steve G can't do shit to help Aston Villa get out of the mud, "The Irons" are NOT a massive club, Nottingham Forest is having a terrible return to the Prem & Leicester are just straight up FUCKED!!!

I am not showing highlights of these clubs and their embarrassing start. No way, José (Mourinho)!

To get out of this predicament, can they? Perhaps! Bounce back into the Top 10? Probable! Do a miracle? Not sure.

Either way, this is the bottom of the League at the moment. It's terrible, I know.

AND THAT WRAPS UP MY FIRST POST!!!
And it was quite the challenge doing this. Taking all the notes I had and compiling them into something short, informative & comedic was hard. I hope it turned out well.

As it stands right now, no games for 2 weeks due to the recent passing of The Queen. Everything has been postponed in England, so no football action until the later half of September.

As for me, I have a lot of good stuff prepared to be put on paper and posted and then hopefully people would read it and get a chuckle out of it, get struck by an emotion, or question how I am writing stuff in general.

Until next time,

Ѓорѓи „GioGio“ Илиев