UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE QUARTER FINALS 1ST LEG REPORT

 

I'M BACK!!! DID YA MISS ME?!?!?!?

HALLELUJAH!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!

It's good to be back writing. I got burned out from lack of ideas for the things I love doing. The muse that's been there to inspire me to write my poems, stories and reviews JUST FUCKING LEFT AFTER MY STREET FIGHTER II REVIEW!!! 

Thankfully, she decided to take a break. Hence blame her for my lack of presence with my work. Now that she's back, she even brought some souvenirs from overseas. Let's see what she has in store for me and for you, fellow reader...

Manchester City vs Atletico Madrid

Profound sadness...

Manchester City. Current champions of England; one of the dominant forces of modern football; known for having great players such as Aguero, David Silva, Kevin De Bruyne; and of course, the mastermind that is Pep "Egg" Guardiola.

HOW CAN THIS SIDE SCORE SUCH LOW AMOUNT OF GOALS IN THEIR GAMES?!?!?!?!

Usually, I'd be upset with their final statistics and overall performance after a match and say one word (or say nothing at all), but this time it's rather different.

Throughout the game, both City and Atletico fought hard and long. Lots of chances, saves and missed opportunities. Neither team wanted to let the ball end in the goal, so they fought 'till the last second.

In the end, De Bruyne managed to find the net in the 70th minute, with an assist from his mate Phil Foden.

Now, after their six-game winning run throughout all competitions has been halted, Atletico have to fight even harder at home, should they want to advance to the semis...

One of the rare moments where the win was truly earned the hard way...

Benfica vs Liverpool

Do I have to write for this?

Liverpool beat Benfica with ease. Sure, they conceded one goal in the 2nd half, but that still didn't matter.

A 3-1 away win means that they have qualified for the semi finals at this point.

Konate, Mane and Luis Diaz delivered 3 important goals with relative ease.

They better prepare themselves for the next chapter of the season's best competition, cause the 2nd isn't worth jack shit for them. Maybe. I dunno...

Congratulations on reaching the semi-finals. FUCK!!!

Chelsea vs Real Madrid

ONE JOB, CHELSEA!!!! ONE FUCKING JOB, YOU HAD!!!!

Nice going you dipshits! You made England sad!

As it turns out, having a 1st leg dominated by the English is just impossible. Chelsea is the perfect example of this bullshit.

But can you blame them? Yes! Yes you can.

Bad games in the Prem = Bad games in Europe.

Meanwhile, Real Madrid just went hard on Stamford Bridge. Showed no mercy and took no prisoners. National hero of France, Karim Benzema, filled Chelsea with more led than they could handle. All 3 goals he scored were in the first half. Same applies for Chelshit, but that's besides the point.

Real Madrid joins Liverpool in the semis...

VIVE BENZEMA!!!

Villarreal vs Bayern Munich

WHAT THE FUCK?

WHAT THE FUCK?

That's all I have for this. 

Actually no!

I have something better:

VILLARREAL MANAGED TO WIN AGAINST MOTHERFUCKING, GOD DAMN, SONS OF BITCHES, FUCK, FUCK, FUCKING BAYERN MUNICH!!!!

THIS IS REAL!!! VILLARREAL!!!

 

To finish off the report, matchweeks 31 and 32 will be mashed into one, since the games for matchweek 32 aren't that far off from the last game of matchweek 31.

Until next time
Lord Slayer