PREMIER LEAGUE MONTHLY REPORT - DECEMBER

 

First of all, I would like to wish everyone Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, and our incoming Christmas and New Year. Originally I wanted to post this on December 31st, but decided against it. And then I relaxed too much and now we're here, 3 days later.

Second, for some reason, my report on the World Cup got blocked by Blogger due to "Hate Speech". The reason for this was because the segment for the game between France & England included the word fuck multiple times. This was deemed as "Hate Speech" and blocked my report. I had no other choice but to edit that section, so that the recap/review is now available for people to read, so in case you wanted to see what I wrote for the Cup, here's the link: https://slayerpit.blogspot.com/2022/12/fifa-world-cup-2022-recap-and-review.html

Third and final, it's the report we've all been waiting for. You, me, Haaland. EVERYONE IS HAPPY THAT REGULAR FOOTBALL IS BACK ON OUR SCREENS!!! Without further ado, let's happily go back into the Premier League and anal- JUST STOP!!! JUST STOP, OKAY!!!

Like 85% of the month was spent on World Cup excitement and then waiting for the players to come back, only to be forced to play 2 matchweeks before New Year's. And these matches were so close to one another, that doing a report on all of the teams is just... Not worth it. So instead, I'll just write down what happened in the Top 6. Things to note however:

I. I will talk only about the performance the teams in the Top 6 had, including the highlights for their matches.
II. The full table will be included
III. The report, highlights are all from last year. So nothing at the start of 2023.

Arsenal FC

Nothing has changed for "The Gunners" since their last game in the League. After the Cup was over, and the players returned, Arsenal's winning ways returned. And they showed that with their 3-1 win against West Ham on December 26th, with goals from Saka, Martinelli & Nketiah. What's shocking is that Arsenal's playstyle is very much wing focused and fast paced. You see all these players running around, creating chances, quickly putting the pressure if they lose possession. It's mad!
Except for their game against Brighton on New Year's Eve. The first half, they were dominating and were constantly pushing to score goals, but then the second half, NOTHING. Maybe they wanted to prepare for the party a bit early, so they forgot they had a game.

Manchester City

Might as well just describe their performance as: HAALAND! Only thing I'll add is that if Haaland or City focus on only himself, it might end up bad for him in the long run, especially with how footballers today focus on fame, followers, money and whatnot.

A certain twat I know did this...

Newcastle United

HOLY FUCK! Newcastle are not messing around. Serious contenders for not Top 6 nor Top 5, but TOP 3. Every single game so far has been going well for them. Even in defeat they feel like winners. Maybe Allah is blessing them or something.
But regarding their games, yeah. They thrashed Leicester City 3-0 with ease, with goals from Wood, Almiron & Joelinton. Despite these three scoring the goals in the first half, Newcastle kept the pressure on with constant attacks and chances. Poor Vardy and "Foxes" couldn't do anything. And their last game for 2022 ended with a 0-0 draw against Leeds

Manchester United

Manchester United's December journey is a continuation from the drama that started right before the World Cup, with that interview with Piers Morgan and Ronaldo. Lots of toxicity was going around afterwards, with one side bashing on United, the other bashing on Ronaldo. And at the end, Ronaldo moved out from United to Al Nassr FC, and the atmosphere at United got a lot better.
It got so good, that the team now plays as a team. It's not built around just one player seeking to be in the spotlight all the fucking time. As a reward for cleaning up the dressing room from all this negativity, the team invited Nottingham Forest for tea. It was lovely: Manchester United were chatting, and Forest wanted to leave because they couldn't handle the politeness from Rashford, Martial and Fred.
As a result of this lovely tea time, Rashford overslept for the game against Wolverhampton, so he came in clutch to win us the game...

Spurs & Liverpool

For the final part of this report, we have Spurs and Liverpool. I'm placing them both here because Spurs played only 1 game in December, with their next being in January.

Other than that, lackluster performance against Brentford led to a 2-2 draw.

Meanwhile, Liverpool's return to the League was welcomed with a defeat in the Carabao Cup by City followed by 2 lackluster wins against Aston Villa and Leicester. Usually I write a passage or two for them, but this was very mediocre that I just couldn't bring myself to write a whole lot.

Also these two are like England, mediocrity at its finest...

Spurs' only highlight of the month.

Arena Sport forgot the Aston Villa highlights.

TABLE

Before having my final thoughts about December, I would like to express my condolences to the family of Pelé. The Brazilian icon passed away at the age of 82 after a long battle against cancer. The legend needs no words to describe what he has done for the game, and how he changed the game forever. The Eternal GOAT!

A true GOAT. Now him and Maradona will be playing in God's Ultimate XI, alongside Best and other legends...

So yeah. December was done pretty quickly. Nothing fancy happened. Felt forced and rushed if you ask me, and I wanted to make this a combo of December and January, but I thought: "Hey! It's just 2 matchweeks! How bad can it be?". Well I thought bad. At least I tried to not make it seem half-assed or something similar to half-assed.

Until next time

Ѓорѓи „GioGio“ Илиев