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| Well this was a fucking surprise... |
Apparently I’m a big silly boy. I was completely caught off guard with
the Premier League having a blitz round all of the sudden. Having shifted focus
on my Race Driver GRID review, I completely forgot that matches were happening
all over the place. Almost every day, it was football galore. I was not only
unable to keep up and make reports on time, but was just thrown off target in
general. Classes, my video game review, workouts, the Premier League. It was just
too much for me.
HOWEVER!!! I decided that once the matchweeks are over, I’d make the
report. But since a lot of shit has happened in the span of 2 matchweeks, it’s
going to be a rather collective thought and opinion on the teams and how they
played, rather than the traditional brief reports that I usually make. The
report will be written based on how the teams are placed in the league. So that
means I start with Man. City, and end up with whoever the fuck is in last
place.
May the torture begin…
Manchester City – Or otherwise known as the team that gives me very
little to talk about, because their games sort of end up being quite mediocre,
in terms of results and stats. And that may as well have been a fantastic
tactic from “The Citizens”.
Their games against Aston Villa and Watford have proven to be
beneficial, as their wins against these sides gave City valuable points to
reach and currently surpass the previous leaders of the season so far, that
being Chelsea. Not even the mighty Steve
G was able to come up with a solution to stop Guardiola’s side.
All in all, fair play to them and their well earned 6 points. But that
doesn’t mean it’s all over, as there are others waiting to knock them out of
their bloody perch…
Liverpool – My most hated team in the Premier League, and the
world in general. Fucking Scouse bastards.
But despite the hate and shit I give them (in my writings and outside of
them), I do have to give them credit, they are a force to be reckon with. Not
the force they were a couple of years ago, but the Liverpool I grew up watching
in the 2000s.
And this is covered by their wins against their city rivals Everton, who
managed to beat them easily, and then there’s Wolverhampton, where they
struggled to win and won with a single goal only. These guys are all over the
place with the goals, but not their wins, that’s for sure…
Chelsea – How the mighty have fallen. No longer the leaders of
the league, they are still are in a fighting chance to take back their 1st
place from current leaders Man. City.
Their hopes for staying at the top were diminished when they lost to
West Ham United in the last game of this 1-2 combo of matchweeks. A devastating
loss to “The Hammers” meant an end to their reign over the league.
Their previous win against Watford was in fact a chance booster, but
they lost that against West Ham. Tough luck…
West Ham United – OH THE BIG IRONY!!!!
The side that managed to shit on Chelsea is in 4th and that’s
worrisome. Not because they don’t deserved it, God no! But it’s cause of their
manager: David Moyes.
DAVID BLOODY MOYES IS IN CHARGE AND HE’S DOING ALRIGHT!!! A draw against
Brighton was in a way disappointing, given how they are on the hunt for the top
3. A win there and a win against Chelsea might not have gifted them the top 3
position, but was going to bring them a lot closer than they are now.
In the end, they are indeed, in their own words: A big fucking club…
Tottenham
Hotspur – I forgot these guys even exist. They have been doing well. 5th
place, 2 clean sheets in their last 2 games, good stuff.
Nothing much to write about them, since I forgot they were even a thing…
Manchester United – Fucking hell, lad. It’s been an emotional
rollercoaster for this club over the last couple of weeks.
From getting Ole sacked, to having trouble finding a manager, and then
finally finding an intern one, things have gone back to what they used to be:
which is eternal suffering.
But to be frank, a win against Arsenal (fuck you Arsenal) in the most
bizarre game so far, and a good game with the new manager against Crystal
Palace, we are doing well. Not expecting anything big of course.
But many thanks to Carrick for taking charge whilst the rest were on a
hunt for a manger. You did well son. Now let’s hope the new man is going to do
okay…
Arsenal - FUCKING TWATS!!! FUCKING SAD SOPPY TWATS!!!
That’s what you fucking get for being cheap arseholes.
Not only that, but they bottled their next game against Everton too. And
in the same way the fucked up both their games against United and Everton: by
taking the lead, only to lose the game in the end. It’s pretty sad, you know?
Ah fuck it! It’s not sad. IT’S HILARIOUS!!!
Wolverhampton Wanderers – “The Wolves” are quite good. Like REALLY
good. They have been doing well so far this season. Having bad days here and
there, but overall, they are doing fantastic. Better than anyone expected.
However their last 2 games haven’t been their best. A draw against
Burnley, and a loss against Liverpool means that they have dropped vital
points. Really vital. They can still catch up to the top 5, but for that to
happen, they need to be in top shape and filled with motivation to win…
Brighton and Hove Albion – “The Seagulls” have dropped quite
significantly since the start of the season. 9th place and poor
results is not something good, especially for a side that has been quite
alright so far.
West Ham and Southampton both denied Brighton to earn a win and 3 points
in their clashes. Brighton kept fighting hard and long, but in the end, a draw
is all what they were capable of. With Spurs being their next opponent, their
points drought is bound to change to something either positive or negative…
Aston Villa – Okay so, ever since Steven Gerrard came to manage,
they have been playing wonderfully. Winning games (for the most part), creating
chances, pressuring their opponents. They are on fire.
But just like how Gerrard slipped into the team, the team itself slipped
against City and lost their game, but unlike their manager, it quickly got up
and won their next game, which was against Leicester City. Next game for them
will be an enjoyable one, as they take on Liverpool.
It will be quite the scenes seeing Steve G facing off against his first
love (and hopefully finish all over her)…
Leicester City – Well, well, well. The champions are struggling.
Ever since they sacked Clanieri, things haven’t been going too well for
the underdogs, or in this case, the underfoxes.
2 games, and 2 different outcomes. A draw against Southampton and then a
loss against Villa, their luck may as well have ran out at this point. Chances
for entering the top 10 are still high, but dropping down is also a possibility…
Everton – I love these guys. And so does my fellow friend, who
was willing to help me gaslight the Glazers after our shite loss against
Liverpool this season. But on the topic of their Premier League performance in
this blitz matchweek round, a loss against their city rivals, BUT A WONDERFUL
COMEBACK win against Arsenal. I especially love that last game, since they
pulled off a wonderful comeback and put the North London side to their place:
under Spurs…
Brentford – You know? For a team that is experiencing the Premier
League for the first time in its history, they aren’t too bad. They aren’t good
either. 13th place is good, but also puts pressure on the team. But
let’s look at the positives, shall we?
They opened the season with a win against “The Gunners”, and were also
doing decently, up until now. But now they have lost a game and drew the other
one. Spurs handed them a clean L, and Leeds gave them their D.
I guess in the end, they claimed their W?
Crystal Palace – Lots of defeats. Lots and lots and lots!
Not a good team this season. 14th, with bad stats overall, they
are bleeding. Their recovery might not even happen with this form. They need to
change their approach on and off the pitch if they want to remain here.
2 games = 2 losses. One from Leeds and one from United. And that’s where
I’ll leave it for Palace…
Leeds United – Speaking of the devil…
Here we have Leeds. A relatively old club that managed to come back to
the “Prem” after a long stay in The Championship. And they are the supreme
leaders right now… Of the bottom 5 that is.
They may have beaten the above mentioned Palace, but a draw against
Brentford? There’s no hope for this side. And this will apply for the rest of
the bottom 5 in this report…
Southampton – This team is a victim of robbery. They have been
robbed away from a bright future and good football. All thanks to Liverpool.
The blitz round was a shambolic one. They decided that winning is too
mainstream, but at least it’s better than losing, right? So what did they do to
make sure they don’t screw things up?
A THREESOME OF COURSE!!! They invited their best mates Leicester and
Brighton, and the teams had a lovely threesome, sharing the points between one
another. Isn’t that lovely?
They are so fucked that they’re embracing the fuckery of the situation quite
literally …
Watford - They’re in the mud. This team is done for.
And to think we lost to them not too long ago. Jesus Christ!
Chelsea and City did them dirty. And they are unable to leave the dirt…
Burnley, Newcastle United & Norwich City – Cheerfully sharing the points and the
money Newcastle has on drinks rather than buying players and upgrading staff
and changing their game plans. What a lovely gullible trio…
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| Why do they do this shit? I don't know? It's tiring for both reporters and players... |
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND THAT’S A FUCKING WRAP!!!
God this took me ages to write. But here it is. It’s not my typical
reporting, but this will do I hope. Brief reporting is what I am doing best,
but I might change that in the near future. Who knows?
But what I know is that this again caught me off guard and made me write
a wall of text for all 20 teams. Fun thing to do, but not when you have to also
watch the Champions League, whilst writing this report.
Might see you tomorrow or on Thursday (or Friday even) with my final
report of the group stages of the Champions League.
Lord Slayer…
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